Day 13 - Memories

Well this post will be a journey all in itself. I started it yesterday on a computer and am attempting to finish it on my smartphone...but NOTHING looks like it was on the computer so all I can do is pray that when all is said and done it looks better then the goblety gook I have right now on my screen. Anyway, today is the day to focus on the gift of memories. I chose this theme on purpose for today. I knew it would already be a day filled memories anyway but I know myself and if I can walk myself through the good ones before and after the hard ones then the day will be so much more bearable. So here goes ... I've often relived the memories of the day I learned I was pregnant and again the day I learned the baby in my womb was actually babies. I remember when I suspected I was pregnant. I was not planning on more kids but had faith enough then to know that God often has plans different then ours. I figured that our once plans to try for our girl were here...I was so sure I was expecting a girl that I bought a pair of little pink shoes that very day. From day 1 it felt different from any other pregnancy I'd had so I was certain that meant PINK! It felt so different that I was sure at times that something was wrong. I could not have been more wrong ...everything was fine...doubly fine. I wish now that I had a video camera with me to capture my face when the ultrasound tech said to me 'I have something to tell you ...there's two babies in there!!!'. I remember being filled with so many emotions but the top one had to be amazement...not necessarily excitement or joy yet but amazement. I could hardly wait to share that with the world. And share I did...everywhere. I remember announcing it on facebook...I saved all those notes of congrats. I remember the excitement of others and how overwhelmed that made me feel at times. The following weeks were full of amazing memories. So many opportunities to see those beautiful babies growing in my womb. I posted a number of pictures below... hopefully you can actually see them. FYI- Cole is baby a and Cameron is baby b. I loved watching them move around and seeing who was my active babe and who was more laid back. Those that know Cameron will be sure that the active one was him...but guess what??? He was the laid back one. Cole was the busy one and the one I felt the most movement from. I even watched him kick Cameron in the head on numerous occasions. Cameron would just move slowly and suck his thumb a lot. Always healthy though. This just confirms my belief that Cameron truly is two boys in one body...his brother, complete with personality, lives in Cameron. I remember so clearly the first flutterings I felt from my twins. I was only about 14-15 weeks and thought 'no way, it can't be that ' but there was pattern and intent to it ...and it brought me such joy. Another thing that sticks out in my mind from this time was the moments when my face would light up with wonderment and joy when I realized I was carrying twins, when I thought about how special this was. Geoff's a ha moment about our soon to be parents of twins status came when the double stroller arrived and he put it together. It was HUGE and he put his arm around my shoulders and one on my belly and said in his deepest redneck twang 'we're havin twins hunny'. There were things I worried about like how I could possibly breastfeed two babes at the same time and how I would cope with two newborns but all in all the joy overcame the fear. Today I am remembering the hours surrounding our diagnosis, surgery and the last moments with Cole. I awoke around 6:30 four years ago today to strong kicks from Cole. I was filled with joy and hope...my boys were alive and well. I didn't know this was his last moments alive with me but I find great peace in knowing that he said goodbye to me in his way. It is a memory I will cherish forever. Thanks for your love, support and prayers today. P.S. the very last part of this post has a link to a blog I wrote on the 2nd anniversary of the day we learned I was having twins. Its set to the song The Dance by Garth Brooks and I think that is so appropriate for these memories. Please click on it and watch it.

http://journeytohopeandhealing.blogspot.ca/2010/09/dance-we-shared.html