Monday, May 27, 2013

Motivational Mondays - Alexis's Story

Today I am pleased to return a favour of sorts.  I began this blogging project (which you can read about here and PLEASE consider sharing your story too) after I was featured in a facebook friend's blog.  Alexis blogs here in a similar fashion and for similar reasons as me... to grieve, to focus, to reflect and to help others. 
I first remember hearing about her story and thinking this MUST be a typo.  That there could be no way that they let a baby with severe hydrops remain in utero for 11 weeks... I'd just never seen that.  Usually when one or both of the twins show hydrops they consider TTTS to be at stage 4 and they do laser or deliver.... stage 4 means that the heart is no longer functioning well enough to remove fluids from the baby's body and they are at a severe risk to pass away.  I have read over Alexis's daughter, Kathryn's story  many times and am completely in awe...and inspired by this little girl who faught so hard to save her sister.  Like Cole, she had so many things counting against her and should have passed away so many times, so much sooner. 
Alexis was so very motivated by her daughters, and especially by her little angel, to raise awareness about TTTS and work hard to raise funds to support premature babies and especially TTTS families.  She has shown, like so many of those I have met through TTTS support groups, that trials and crisis, TTTS, loss, and grief does not have to break us, destroy us or make us hide.  She is a great inspiration!

Here is her story...

In Loving Memory of Kathryn

In December 2011 I delivered identical twin girls at 30 weeks gestation. My “Tiny” weighed only 1 lb 10 oz. My “Teeny,” Kathryn, was 4lb 5.9 oz had too many issues and sadly died in my arms after two days. Now my life is dedicated to fighting for the tiniest of the tiny – the preemies and bringing awareness to the syndrome that nearly took both of my girls.

The babies suffered from a disease of the placenta that affects identical twins (who share a placenta) called Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS). In a nutshell, they do not share the placenta equally and one baby receives too much fluid, while the other does not get enough. TTTS often causes heart failure and most TTTS babies are born premature, along with many other complications.

Sadly, it is still a disease that is not well known even though two times as many babies die each year from TTTS than from SIDS. Even more sadly, many OBs are in the dark about it, or if they know about it, have incorrect information.

My Kathryn’s two days on earth and her loss impacted me tremendously. As soon as I knew “Tiny” was out of the woods, I began to seek out opportunities to DO SOMETHING. I could not let my daughter’s life be in vain.

As we were getting closer to our departure date from the NICU, we were asked if we would be willing to be interviewed for the Children’s Miracle Network Radiothon fundraiser that the Children’s Hospital was conducting. I eagerly accepted, knowing this would be a great opportunity to spread awareness about TTTS. So, Tiny was released from the hospital on Saturday and the following Monday we returned to do a live radio interview.

It felt great to talk about my daughters, to tell other people about it, and to publicly thank the hospital and the wonderful staff who had cared for me and my girls for a total of 16 weeks. During the month of February I saw the purple posters with the baby for the March of Dimes March for Babies. I had heard of MOD of course, but it was not until we had an 84 day stay in the NICU and I saw firsthand what is being done in neonatal care, largely in thanks to efforts and advocacy by the March of Dimes, that I began to really have an understanding of the organization. I made the decision to start a family team for the March for Babies.

I never imagined the support we would get in response. We had a 20 person team and raised over $6,000! Not bad for a team that formed just over a month before the event! Our team also won Top Individual Fundraiser and Top Family Team Fundraiser. (*That was in 2012. In 2013 our team once again took those honors and raised over $11,000!)

I have also met other mothers locally who went through TTTS and formed a TTTS Support Group. We plan on visiting OB/GYN practices in our area and providing resource manuals and our contact information so that we can be a resource to help mothers before, during, or after they go through this.

Our little group is also avidly reaching out to the media in as many ways as we can, and ReNee and I were featured on a news segment recently. We are also both “Miracle Families” for our local Children’s Hospital, and we have the opportunity to speak at fundraising events. I have also begun volunteering with the March of Dimes advocacy office as well.

In June 2012 I began my blog “No Holding Back.” ( Through this blog I grieve, I mourn, I share my story, I allow others to share their story, I advocate, I spread awareness. I have a dedicated segment called “TTTS Tuesday” in which I share stories of those who have gone through this.

Medical experts don’t know what makes the egg split. I always believed (incorrectly) that twins were either genetic or came from fertilization treatments, but any woman can have her egg split. At some point in your life, it is highly likely you will come across someone pregnant with identical twins.

This is the only picture I have of my girls together.

Kathryn and “Tiny” in the NICU

Bio – Alexa is a stay at home mother of four – three on earth and one in heaven. She blogs about life after loss, finding joy again, and raising three small children.  Raising awareness about TTTS, advocating and volunteering with organizations such as the March of Dimes and Teeny Tears ( help her honor her daughter Kathryn

Friday, May 24, 2013

Not Broken

I have a few devotions that I subscribe to and get emailed every so often.  I never seem to get to reading half of them but this one caught my eye and my heart.  I think this was mainly because I’ve seeing so much brokenness around me lately and have been somewhat forced to face the brokenness in my own life and how hard it can be to rise above it.  I thought I would share it with you and share my own reflections.
Psalm 34:17-22
17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
    he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 The righteous person may have many troubles,
    but the Lord delivers him from them all;
20 he protects all his bones,
    not one of them will be broken.
21 Evil will slay the wicked;
    the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
22 The Lord will rescue his servants;
    no one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.
As someone who has logged a lot of time in the coastal waters of Florida, I’ve always enjoyed seeing bottlenose dolphins up close in the wild. That’s one reason I was particularly drawn to the movie Dolphin Tale.
Based on a true story, the film is about a fatherless and disheartened boy named Sawyer who finds great joy and meaning in the rehabilitation of an injured bottlenose dolphin named Winter. Sawyer looks up to his older cousin Kyle—a championship swimmer. But Kyle withdraws from his young cousin after he returns from the military with a damaged right leg.
In a moment of frustration and self-pity, Kyle yells out to one of his doctors that he can’t swim anymore because he’s “broken.” His doctor, who refuses to let Kyle wallow in the waters of self-pity, responds by picking up a drinking glass and dropping it on the ground, shattering it into hundreds of pieces. The doctor then turns to Kyle and says, “Now that’s broken.”
Life in a fallen world will injure us—sometimes very deeply (Psalm 34:17-18). When something painful happens, Jesus doesn’t want us to deny or minimize our hurt.

John 11:33-35
33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34 “Where have you laid him?” he asked.
“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.
35 Jesus wept.

 Nor does He want us to sink in the waters of despair. He knows we’re hurt, but not “broken.” Not in the complete sense of the word.
The wounds of life don’t have to break our spirit (Psalm 34:20). We can resist the lie that we won’t ever experience meaning or joy again. In time, God can put the wounds of life to work for His kingdom purposes (Psalm 34:22). Allow Him to use your pain to sensitize your heart to what is most important in life. Let Him make you more sensitive to the needs of those who’ve experienced similar heartaches.
— Jeff Olson

I love this line… We can resist the lie that we won’t ever experience meaning or joy again.’  What a lie that is…and oh how easy it is to believe it.  I remember going through this very emotion right after we lost Cole.  It lifted for a while after we learned that Cameron’s life was not threatened and that he would likely not have many major issues from the effects of the TTTS and fetal anemia.  Those feelings were something that threatened me off and on for the next 11 weeks, until delivery day.  And then they hit me in the face…no, slammed me into a wall and stomped on top of my body.  I felt so broken, so confused.  I would find joy in the things Cameron had overcome but I would just want everything to be different so much.  The months after the boys were born were filled with this type of interruption of thought.  Often when I would feel joy then I would then feel guilty that I wasn’t grieving for the son I had lost.  

I have since moved into the next part of this section of this devotion.  In time, God has put the wounds of my life to work for His kingdom purposes.  I have allowed Him to use my pain to sensitize my heart to what is most important in life.  I have learned to explore the emotions that come out with trials and grief and been open about them to others.  Through this journey I have learned so much about grief and loss, trials and crisis.  I have really learned that life is much too precious to get caught up on what we can’t do, what we can’t fix, what we don’t want.  When all you do is focus on that then you miss what is happening around you.  The other thing that God has done in me as he sensitized my heart is to the little things that ARE important…to notice the wonderful gifts that he has given us, no matter how small. I celebrate every little thing Cameron does at times because I realize that there is so much joy in it, so much hope in that little boy.  I treasure stupid moments like waiting in line ups with my kids, driving in the car somewhere with them, reading them a simple story or even doing chores with them (ok, I am stretching it here… I HATE doing chores with my kids, guess I’d better pray on this one LOL) because I learned the hard way how hard it is to spend time away from them, to miss out on things like their very first sleepover.  And I also learned the hard way how difficult it is to spend a lifetime without them as I will with Cole.  It’s not worth focusing on what you can’t do, what you wish was different, what is broken.

And through the wounds in my life He has made me more sensitive to the needs of those who’ve experienced similar heartaches.  I guess it is obvious to most that I spend a lot of time online supporting other TTTS families.  I am the founder of two pretty amazing groups that offers support and have been very involved in a number of others.  Initially the area I felt I could give the most support in, the area I was most sensitive to, was the area of grief… especially in the loss of one twin group.  But as time goes on God has put it on my heart to open up those personal wounds, to relive the whole TTTS experience, complete with loss, with families who have or almost assuredly will have, two survivors.  And even more recently, He seems to have pushed me to be a part of twin groups…groups of healthy twins, groups with moms who are pregnant and have no issues at all and carry to term….all the things I wanted to experience.  I resisted this for so long but now am finding it so healing to be there, to find a way to reach out in awareness, in prevention type modes while exposing my wounds and my fears. 
But this isn’t the only area God has been making me more sensitive too, not the only place God is using me to help others.  My marriage has struggled for years and grief rocked it to the core too.  It’s taken a long time and it’s by no means not struggling still but we have come to a place where we know that it is so much more worth fighting for it then fighting each other.  That we want to work together, heal together, grow together.   About two years ago it seemed very broken, very much not worth fighting for anymore.  Now I am able to share that brokenness with others and show how God has used so many things in my life, including losing my son, to become a stronger person but moreover a person of faith. 
The author of the devotion asked us to take a look at Psalm 55:22 to see what  we should do when the hard things of the world threaten to overwhelm us…

Psalm 55:22
New International Version (NIV)
22 Cast your cares on the Lord
    and he will sustain you;
he will never let
    the righteous be shaken.
How have the wounds of life tried to break your spirit? How might God be using what happened to make you a more considerate and compassionate person?

I am not broken, I am not lost.  I have been put back together by the Love of a Father that I know I am so lucky to have, that I believe at times I am not worthy to have.  I have been found by Him and loved for all my wounds, all my brokenness.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Motivational Mondays - Lonnie Somers' Story

It's the third addition of Motivational Mondays (and at this, perhaps that last for awhile as I don't have another guest poster in line for next week....please message me at is you have a story of how a crisis or trial changed your life, motivated you).
Today our guest poster is someone who I has changed my life.  Like my friend Tammy Smith, Lonnie Somers came into my life at the lowest of low moments. In the days following our diagnosis and loss those in my 'real' life were doing what they could to help us but learning what they could about the disease that had ripped apart life as we knew it.  I was directed to a website, to a foundation called 'Fetal Hope'.  There I found information on TTTS but I also found a message board.  Soon I was posting questions, venting and voicing my struggles in what I called 'the hell that was TTTS'.  Within hours of my first post the founder and CEO of Fetal Hope was offering his support, his answers and his medical board to help with the questions. Over the next few months I posted, often daily, in Lonnie's foundations' message boards.  When 'weird' things happened (inconsistent test results, unexplained doppler readings that my medical team didn't seem to think was a big deal etc) Lonnie would go to his medical board to try to get answers.  I was, and am, forever grateful.
But the amazing support from Lonnie didn't end there.  In the months that followed the birth of my boys, rather then being filled with a sense of peace, I was filled with questions, with so many mixed emotions and with a feeling of not understanding nor being understood.  Lonnie referred me to some people who were affiliated with Fetal Hope that offered bereavement support, he encouraged me to purchase a book written by another TTTS mom who had lost one of her girls (which eventually lead me to Christ) and he offered to interpret the reports from all the ultrasounds, tests and treatments that I had before, during and after TTTS came into our lives.  Through this support I was able to find acceptance in the loss of Cole because I as able to see the 'strikes' against us, the multiple complications that, when combined together, did not make for a favourable outcome at all.  He helped me to stop feeling guilty for not knowing more about TTTS, for not getting better care, for choosing surgery.  He helped me to do what his foundation set out to do, find hope.
In the years since then I have come to learn more and more about what this amazing foundation does and what Lonnie goes beyond the 'call of duty' to get done.  I began to be asked by him and Tammy to reach out to others going through TTTS and, from there, I began to find a greater purpose for my feelings about TTTS then the sadness, anger and frustration that had plagued me.  With his encouragement I have created groups to give a place of support that welcomes everyone, no matter what the outcome, no matter where you are in your journey. With his blessing, I have incorporated Fetal Health (as Fetal Hope is now known as) into one of these groups therefore adding credibility and integrity to this great support group.  With Lonnie's support and advice, our family has run 3 successful fundraisers for our own 'local' fetal distress disorder treatment facility, Mt. Sinai.
I have come to think of Lonnie as a very dear and respected friend and have developed a wonderful social AND working relationship with him.  He has taught me to rise above those who don't agree with my beliefs on how support should happen, how to remove myself from situations that make me question myself and my goals with this area of support that has come to be such an important part of my life.  I am so very glad that the Lord lead me to Fetal Health and helped me find such an inspirational friend.
Here is Lonnie's story... a version never shared before and one I am so very honoured to be able to debut here. 

I see the many faces of so many dear friends and faces I got to know throughout so many years.  I see so many faces of those I don’t know either.  I see my beautiful wife who has believed in me all these years and was my source for reaching all my dreams.  I see my daughters, who inspired me more than they will ever know.  They are so beautiful and have made me so proud.  My immortality lives on forever in them.  Can this really be happening?

Those words, “can this really be happening”, have resonated with many moments in my life. I am quite sure those words have resonated with you too.  Thinking back, they say children change your lives.  Nothing could have been truer than the way my daughters changed mine.  Before kids, my goals were probably not that much different than yours.  I wanted the corner office in corporate America as a definition of success.  I worked in venture capital and as a CPA.  I loved business. I loved the art of deal making. Then those words snuck up, “can this really be happening”?

We were expecting TWINS!  Anyone that knows me knows I very rarely have anything to say, but for a good 48 hours I had no words.  We were going to have identical twin daughters.  Then the second, “can this really be happening?” moment came.  We were diagnosed with a fetal syndrome affecting my daughters’ lives called Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome.  In less than few hours we went from our excitement of having twins to being told the only option was to terminate the pregnancy.  How dare someone take away our hopes and dreams!  From that instance, my daughters changed my life forever. 

We were fortunate, in searching through all the doom and gloom with no signs of hope, we found one doctors name and within a few days we were in Florida having in-utero surgery to save our girls.  Thankfully it worked and from that moment on, all I thought I ever wanted changed.

I left my job and spent many months creating a national awareness event to raise money for the syndrome they survived and that killed more babies per year than SIDS.  Not long after, we realized more needed to be done to support all families dealing with a fetal issue or syndrome.  That led to the creation of Fetal Health Foundation.  My wife, myself, and amazing others all worked on its creation.   Through the years we helped so many families.  While certainly the sacrifice of time with my family, sometimes the people we helped being less than appreciative, all made it difficult for any of us at times, the difference we made more than made up for it.  They say doing charity gives you back more than you put into it.  They were right.  I never felt so fulfilled in my life when I could help a family and make a difference in their lives.  I am so blessed as well for all the amazing doctors, nurses, care givers, etc. that became lifelong friends.  It was an honor to be part of their work in helping make a difference.

I have been fortunate that my daughters did change my life. I founded an event company in which we worked with hundreds of charities in organizing run/walk and various other events.  We made our living helping all these wonderful organizations raise funds, create awareness, and provide important support services for hundreds of different kids of charities.  I was fortunate enough also to be the announcer/voice for many wonderful events.  My task was to bring out the amazing stories at these events, to pass along that inspiration, and help everyone achieve something special. Everyone was inspiring to me.   I would always say at many of the events that getting to the finish line was never the end, but the beginning of what is possible.  I see so many faces of those through the years here today, many so dear friends that have inspired e more than they will ever know.  I am humbled.

Can this really be happening? It is quite a surreal experience to be looking in at ones funeral (if you have not figured that out now).  It isn’t something you think about very often, if at all, when you are living.  As I see the many people here to pay their respects (some I know well, some I don’t know at all), I am humbled and fulfilled that my life made a difference.  

I see the face of my wife, the love of my life.  She gave me the strength and believed in me to create a life in making a difference.  I see the tears in my daughters’ eyes.  They are so beautiful and have families of their own now. I am so proud of them because they both are so generous and charitable and always working to make a difference. I see them both place their hands on their hearts. I used to tell them all the time that when they missed Daddy, I was always right there in their hearts, and all they had to do was put their hands on their heart to feel me there.  My immortality lives on in them.

This is my funeral many years in the future.  My life changed from those, “can this really be happening?” words.  Something that came from an almost tragic situation, and changed my life in ways I never dreamed possible.  It hasn’t always been easy, and I know doubt know there will be challenges to face in the future, but I wouldn’t change a thing.

No doubt you have had that life challenging words (“Can this really be happening?”) moments too.  How has it changed your life?  If you were at your funeral today, would you be proud of your legacy?  You can make a difference. You can be part of something wonderful.  It does take sacrifice, but what you gain in return is something more precious and fulfilling than you can imagine.  Go make a difference.

I hope that you will take Lonnie's message to heart and reflect on what your own funeral might be like. Go be part of something wonderful, something to be remembered by.  Go make a difference!

Friday, May 17, 2013

Comfort Zones

Sometimes life is so comfortable, sometimes it isn’t necessarily comfortable YET, but you can see where it will be, you can see how you are getting to where you want to be to achieve it.  Many on spiritual journeys can relate when I say ‘just when I thought I had it all figured out, God changed the plan’.  As a Christian who has been ‘reborn’ in the sense that my eyes and heart have been opened to the Lord’s ways, the Lord’s instructions and directions, I am seeing the hand of Jesus in my life everyday.  I grow and I change as I feel the spirit leads me to .  And it seems just when I think I know what God wants from me, wants me to do, who he wants me to help, to witness to, God changes the plan.  Life gets interrupted and I am put out of my comfort zone. 
Recently I posted about making a commitment and sticking with it in regards to loving others, especially your spouse.  It was in response to our pastor’s recent sermon series but it’s also because it has become a big part of my daily life….and no, I don’t mean my own marriage.  Though I will comment on that and how much getting out of my comfort zone has changed my views there too.
More than a month ago my husband came home from a men’s ministry study and spoke to me about a couple from our church who were going through some tough times.  He wanted to reach out, he wanted to help them to reconnect, wanted to be there to talk and to share with them.  I resisted.  I felt like it wasn’t our business.  I felt like I didn’t know them enough. I felt like I wasn’t anyone who could give advice when my own marriage has had/still has so many struggles.  Geoff suggested I pray on it. I did but I really didn’t feel  any closer to an answer. 
A few days later another friend from church sent me a text thanking me for ‘stepping out into the next chapter in our ministry together as a pair of God’s servants’ in regards to helping this couple out.  I was like ‘what …who said I was doing that!’.  But a situation quickly presented itself where I was ‘stepping out’ and soon I was offering an ear to listen and a voice of perhaps reason to one of the two in this couple.  I found myself being able to relate to both of their perspectives, remembering when I’d been in similar shoes.  I found myself looking at my own life, my own marriage, our situation and I felt like God was showing me that I was not  an island, my problems were not unique and I did not need to fear sharing them because I was not alone in this. 
 It felt good to help and yet I was so far out of my comfort zone, I felt so uneasy.  I knew that I needed to present myself as a supportive friend to both members of this couple but, I will admit, I resisted.  Not because I was ‘taking sides’ but because I was uncomfortable, unsure of myself and my words.  I wanted to reach out, I planned to but somehow it just ‘never seemed like the right time’. 
By the time I did reach out ‘equally’ to both of them an alliance seemed to have been formed and it was admitted to me that it would be hard to trust me, even though I seemed very impartial, because it had now been a week since I first stepped out of my comfort zone and into their lives.  And I admit, I was kind of hurt and yet could understand completely.
The situation has since had many ups and downs and we’ve taken a very pivotal role in it.  Sadly it doesn’t seem like reconciliation can be made.  Now I am in another ‘uncomfortable’ area as I am ‘stepping out into the next chapter in our ministry’ as our friend puts it and am now supporting their children. 
And once again God has shown me that not only can I do this, can I help, can I make a difference but he’s also showing me, what I said earlier, that I am not an island, my problems are uniquely mine but they are not unique.  We are working through things, we are strengthening our relationship, working together for a stronger family and we have some great support to do this. 
It’s made me realize that I am where God wants me to be…even if it does make me uncomfortable, even if I am out of my comfort zone.  But that just gets me thinking about how you know.  How do you decide when something makes you uncomfortable if it’s God’s interruption or a path you should not be taking?
My Jonah bible study has us really focusing on it.  Each time I go there I think ‘but what is that God is asking me to do’, ‘where is the interruption that I am avoiding’?
Maybe I have found it…at least part of it.  Perhaps ‘marriage ministry’ is part of my calling.  Who knows?  Maybe God will put in the path of something else soon? 
I know that I have always been told that I have a calling in supporting others experiencing trials, loss, grief and their healing process.  I haven’t really run from that and each time at the Jonah study we talk about how life get’s comfortable and we think we know where God is calling us to..and then suddenly it changes. What we knew to be comfortable becomes uncomfortable.  Where we saw things working, suddenly it doesn’t seem to fit together anymore, it doesn’t seem to be where we are needed, are most useful etc.  Or maybe it just starts to go ‘wrong’, people you once counted on don’t seem to be there, places and things you found comfort in are suddenly filled with negative feelings, negative actions. 
So often I ignore this ‘stuff’, this negativity that seems to come around in places that I offer support.  I used to get ‘sucked’ into it and have learned to rise above it.  But it wasn’t until a friend of mine and I discussed some ‘tension’ the is a part of an area that we are both active in supporting that I began to wonder if God has been trying to tell me something for a long time and I have been ignoring it because I thought I was doing ‘good work’ where I was.  I wonder if maybe ‘God work’ is what He wants, not ‘good work’.  If maybe I am not hearing his voice encouraging me to be uncomfortable by leaving behind some of the support areas.  My friend said that he was once told that ‘you may think by staying in the presence of something evil going on you can help, but in reality all you do is hurt yourself and it is best to cut the evil out.’ He used to stick around in situations where he was treated poorly in the thought that he was doing something good by my sacrifice, but in reality all he was doing was hurting himself.
I had never really thought about it much…that the negativity that makes me uncomfortable isn’t needing me to stay around to help…that God wants me to help, my ‘good work’ is helping and it does make me feel comfortable and gives me a sense of purpose…which is comforting, but the kind of discomfort that comes in the situations I described might just be coming from a place so far from God .
And so I am listening, God, I really am.  I know that often when I am put out of my comfort zone I am ‘needed’ to do Your work.  But I also know that when the comfortable place becomes a place where I am being hurt, where my morals are being questioned or where I begin to do or say (or type) things that go against my own morals…the time has come to move away from the ‘comfortable helping place’.
Proverbs 16:9 says it so well,
“A man’s heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps”.

Here are some things I found on a great website….
YOUR COMFORT ZONE may be that God is calling you
to ANOTHER area of ministry than where you are presently.
YOUR COMFORT ZONE may be that you need to SACRIFICE
something that you really enjoy but you KNOW it is God (it will be WORTH IT!).
Jesus’ methods to get you and me out of our COMFORT ZONES and watch over our lives are often
NOT the way we would do it, but OBEDIENCE to God’s ways
 will bring about His desired RESULTS and FRUIT in our lives.
Whatever God tells you to do that affects your comfort zone,
it is for the GREATER GOOD OF YOU and the Body of Christ.
God is NOT telling us to get out of our COMFORT ZONES to make our lives miserable.
So open your heart to what God has for you and get out of your comfort zone.
If you sense God is leading you “out of your comfort zone”
and whatever that means for you, be OBEDIENT to Him.
 If that is where God wants you, it is the BEST place to be! 
Couldn’t have said it better if I tried!!!
Have a great weekend!