Friday, August 21, 2009

Devotion #5 - Missing in Action

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

I have always loved this verse for it's simplicity...Just be still and relax and feel God around you. In a world where we are always go, go, go it is so very important to take time out for silence, for stillness and in those moments you will feel God the most.
Today's devotion is about keeping yourself so busy that you are missing in action from your grief. It talks about keeping your schedule too tight to allow any room for missing your baby and working at healing. And it speaks of being so filled with 'busy-ness' that you don't find the time to pour your heart out to God, to slow down and make room for him to help you to heal.
I don't have much that keeps me to busy not to think of Cole these days. I am, of course, very busy with a 6 month old baby and two other very active boys. I spend a lot of my time sitting around, especially while nursing Cameron, thinking of Cole. It is pretty hard not to when I know that he is the exact image of his amazing twin brother. The book wanted me to make a list of all the activities and roles that I have in a typical week. I am sure it's geared towards someone who's back to work and maybe even someone who isn't a mom already. My weeks consists of all the roles of mommy and I am defintately not taking on more than I should be. I am not avoiding facing my loss but am I giving myself enough time for God....definately not. I am not asking him to help me through this enough, I am definately not 'still' often enough. I want to begin spending time alone or alteast with the non talker of my family, outdoors..close to God and his amazing world.
I am supposed to identify where my 'foxhole of faith' is...the place I go to 'be still' with God. I have always felt him close to nature, especially water....rivers, lakes, waterfalls. Now living in Monkton might provide a challenge to spend atleast 10 minutes a day to be still with God in this environment but spending 10 minutes away, by myself (or with Cameron) to simply speak to God, to marvel in his wonders, to ask him to help me and to appreciate all that he has given me this I think I can do.

And wow, not a long devotion at all!!!

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