Oops...forgot to post this yesterday...what can I say, Christmas pageant at church, famiy Christmas...sigh... someday I will sleep!!!
This final week of advent is the week of Peace. As I said in my last posting, I am amazed by the sense of peace that I feel this year. This blogging project has made me think and kept me focused on the many gifts in my life. I know that a year ago I never dreamed that I’d find the peace that I have now. Yesterday at a class we’ve been taking at our church we were discussing the Holy Spirit and how it works in us. This lead to a conversation about how we don’t always see the spirit working, that we aren’t always aware of what is happening and that even more so, we aren’t always ready to accept the spirit working within us. One of the other members said that about 10 years ago she asked God for forgiveness and invited Jesus into her heart and life but it’s only been in the last year or so that she’s felt the spirit moving within her. Our group leader said that perhaps that was because she just wasn’t ready. It wasn’t that her life wasn’t changing, wasn’t affected by her newfound love of the Lord but rather that the spirit was waiting for her to be ready to receive and envelope all that was possible.
That got me to thinking about my life right now, most especially in the last 10 days or so. I realized that maybe that is exactly why I am feeling this sense of peace…because I was open to it, open to the Holy Spirit working within me to feel that peace and from there, share it. I remember the first few months after we lost Cole when I couldn’t figure out how to feel. I think of the next 18 months or so after that when I just felt so sad, lost, hurt and sometimes angry. I think of last year at this time when I was in a better place but still missing my son so very much. And when I reflect on the last few weeks of my life and the peace I have been feeling I realize that the last few months have lead to that. I have grown and changed with the guidance of the Lord and have felt and seen the Holy Spirit moving within my life. I love going to church, not for who I see there (which was really what I felt was the best thing about church before) but for what I learn, how I feel and the peace it gives me.
I am feeling just so very blessed this year, this holiday season and have such a sense of peace.