Monday, December 29, 2014

Gifts for Christmas Mourning...failure or not???

So I didn't do what I dreamed of.  I didn't blog my way through the holiday season.  I didn't share the things that have helped me get through this tough time of year every day or two like I planned.  I didn't share the ideas I had written down to share even.  I failed.... or did I?
You see that point of this project for me was to help me to focus on the positives, the joys, the hope, the things that are in my life because I experienced trials and sorrow.  I shared many, 13 in fact, things that I have gained an appreciation for since we lost Cole.  It wasn't the 20+ things I had planned but I realized in the days after Cole's angel day that I had made it through yet another year.  That I had grown yet another year more hopeful.  And that I, can, indeed, get through this season without sinking into a depressive state.  I can find joy in sorrow.  
I have two more things to share today and then will wrap up this project for yet another year. 
First of all, though this isn't in chronological order, I want to share the events of a week ago.  We traveled to Toronto, spent the day with an old friend, met a new friend and then saw a hero, our hero, and gave him a gift.  

If you can't make out the amount, our donation for the 2013&2014 combined fundraisers was.... $8686!!!!   That is mind boggling and inspiring.  I spent some time talking with Dr. Ryan about how we would like to use this money and we have some wonderful ideas.  He mentioned that support of other families is an area that they know is lacking and when I mentioned that I want to get more involved in this, that I would like to see a 'buddy' program, a program to partner together newly diagnosed families with those who have been through it, he told me that if I was willing to help with this he would take me up on it.  Actually what he said was 'you realize that I will take advantage of this right'.  
We love going back, even if it is hard at times, even if it does bring back memories and emotions.  My life was forever changed by this place and this man and I feel blessed to know them both.  Dr. Ryan is such a wonderful example of a people centered doctor and he doesn't forget any of 'his kids'...

The other thing I wanted to share actually happened the day before we went to Mt. Sinai.  
It's been on my heart for many months to share my testimony with others in a more official way.  I didn't think I was meant to get up and speak to the congregation as a whole but God kept putting it there, presenting opportunities.  So I casually mentioned that I was willing and our pastor quickly took me up on my offer...before I could change my mind.  
And as much as I resisted sharing my testimony with the congregation for a long time I was even more unsure I was ready to post it on facebook or here until today whenl I read a devotion that reminded me that our stories of brokenness give hope to others, helps others connect and not feel alone and most of all, because God has asked us to share how He works in our lives. 
Thanks for watching as much or as little of it as you can. The link can be found below but to access the video you need to click on Testimony Interviews, 4th Sunday of Advent on the right hand side of the screen and fast forward through to about 6 min 30 sec in.

 I am already thinking ahead to next year and what I want to do.  I think it's time this became a group that I run, a place not just for one season but for the whole year long.  A place to post what gets you through and where you post when you need help getting you through.  I have to think about it, how I want it to look, what I want it to be called, what I want to post there....but I think it's something I am meant to do.  
Thanks again for all your support!

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