Monday, December 1, 2014

Gifts for Christmas Mourning - Day 1 - Living in the Moment

Welcome to this journey of blessings I hope to take each day til after Christmas.

I have so many ideas of things to share that have come to my life because of the journey my twin sons began for me at the moment of conception.  I think that just might be the best place to start this ‘Gifts of Christmas Mourning’ project….the beginning of it all but more specifically what I learned about that time in my life after all of it had come to an end.

I had no idea how it would end when I learned I was expecting twins and I am so very glad I didn’t.  I worried  about how I would manage twins…the finances, the feedings, the sleepless nights etc. But, what I never worried about, was what happened and for that, I am so very glad.  I am so glad I didn’t know how it would end because I would have focused all my energy, my headspace, my emotions on that ending and would have missed the joy of expecting twins. 

Garth Brooks puts it best in his song “The Dance”… I am so glad I didn’t know the way it all would end, the way it all would go.  Our lives are better left to chance. I could have missed the pain but I’d a had to miss the dance. Years ago I made a video that used his song to tell the story of my pregnancy, please take some time to go the link and watch it…I would appreciate you remembering this time in my life along with me…now excuse me while I watch, remember, maybe get a bit weepy but mostly just marvel at that exciting time in my life!

We can’t predict the future, we can only live in the moment.  If my loss taught me anything  (ok it taught me many things), it taught me to appreciate the moments we have, the joys of each day, the time we have with others.  It taught me to build memories that I can cherish, that others can cherish. 

The time that I had with my boys was nothing short of miraculous and despite all the pain I endured in the loss of Cole,  I will never, ever regret that I had that amazing time and will be forever grateful that I didn’t miss dance.

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