Chosen to Carry

 

 

I Will Carry You

There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
people say that I am brave but i`m not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because he loves you like this

So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the one who's chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to his voice
And he says

I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the one who`s chosen me
To carry you

 

 

I had heard this song once before but never looked up the words.  I actually read about the writer of this song in a blog that a friend sent me.  This was the post that made me sit back and really think... If you don't click on the link, that's ok...there is a lot of reading to get to the part that really hit me hard.  We plan our lives, we sketch them out.  We make plans. But sometimes those sketches aren't the reality or sometimes what we sketched and what the finished product are have similarities but oh so many differences. 

 

After reading the blog and relating so much to it I decided I wanted to find out more about this amazing writer.  And guess what...she has identical twin girls!  Imagine that.  What a coincidence!

But it wasn't her twins that brought her to write this song.  This little one that she writes about was born first I believe...the twins were her rainbow babies. 

 

After reading through these words, after listening to this song I am left in tears but in so much peace.  I did have so many dreams that were shattered that day.  Dreams of photos I planned to take, dreams of clothes they'd wear, toys they'd have, places they'd go (where of course everyone would notice that they were identical twins).  I miss Cole so much at times that it physically hurts.  And I can relate 100% to the line 'people say that I am brave but I`m not Truth is I'm barely hanging on' because that is exactly how I felt for so long. 

 

And what got me through, what helped me move past the darkness, the sadness, the lonliness.... the knowledge that Cole was with Jesus and that he chose me to carry him.  I was allowed on this journey for reasons I couldn't possibly fathom at the time.  I was given this amazing 'twin mommy' gift but I was also given a gift for comforting others, for helping others, for finding ways to raise money to help others. I found peace in that. I found peace in the knowledge that Jesus was with Cole but he was also with me...heck he was likely more with me then he was with Cole.  When fell down, he picked me up. When I wondered away, he brought me back.  When I sobbed and held my pillow tight wishing it was my baby, he dried my tears and gave me 3 other boys, one who looked just like the one that he holds in his arms to shower with hugs and kisses. 

 

I will praise the one who chose me to carry Cole for I know that he has great things in store for me and for my child.  I can find peace in that.