Wow, a year has gone by since we welcomed our boys into the world. I've read through all the posts from last year at this time and it, of course, brings tears to my eyes. I am so very emotional today but also so filled with joy and hope for us all. Cameron has brought joy to so many people and Cole has brought Hope for so many.
Of course I just wish I was making cakes for two, buying cute matching outfits for two boys to get their one year photo taken in and really wish that I was sitting here thinking 'where did the last year go, I was so busy with my twins that it's all a blur and I don't remember much'. Instead I am trying to find a way to include Cole in the cake (an angel food cake with butterfly candies on it), am taking Cameron today for his photo, alone, and can remember clearly so many of the moments in the last year because I treasured each and every one with this little miracle who endured so much and came so close atleast twice to not being here with us at all.
Just as I started typing that last paragraph Cameron yelled and cried from his room where he's supposed to be napping. I went in and picked him up...and began to cry. He snuggled in and wrapped his arms around me (he never snuggles like that) and kept looking up at me and putting his hands on my tears. I wish I was holding them both but I am so grateful to God that I am still holding him and that I can appreciate life so much more now.
My sons have taught me so much about myself and life. I am so very blessed to be the mom of twins, the mom of Cole and Cameron, the mom of a pair of twin miracles!!!
Here's something I wrote to honour this day;
Two Miracle Sons
One year ago I welcomed you into the world with tears of joy.
Your loud cry breaking my heart
Your sweet face touching my soul
Your tiny, active body making my arms ache.
One year ago I welcomed you into the world with tears of sorrow.
Your silence breaking my heart,
Your still face touching my soul
Your broken body making my arms ache.
One year ago I ached to be allowed to hold you and say hello.
One year ago I ached as sobs racked my body when I held you and said goodbye.
In the last year I have watched you, a baby, born too soon and too small,
Grow into this strong feisty little boy
Who is so full of joy
And truly has the heart and soul of two.
In the last year I have gathered with friends and family
To say goodbye to you, a baby who touched so many hearts
Without ever meeting anyone
And have tended a garden built out of love to honour you.
In the last year I have learned that joy and sorrow can go hand in hand.
In the last year I have learned that it truly is better to have loved and lost
Than to have never loved at all.
In the last year I have learned to appreciate every ounce gained, milestone met
And every single minute with my children.
I have learned I am strong,
I can help and inspire others,
And I will not hide from this grief.
One year ago I became the mother of two identical miracles
And I will forever be thankful for all you both have given me.
I love you both so much, Happy Birthday boys!!!