So I've pondering this post for about a week...I seem to get random ideas (or maybe not so random) of things to write about and then don't sit down and put my thoughts to paper so to speak and then they spin and morph into something different and days or weeks later I either write it down or, more often, forget. Today I started this message in the morning and looked at the clock and realized I had no time to finish again and almost walked away but tonight I've decided that this needed to take priority....especially as I move into this week of memories.
This quote was something I heard on the radio about a week ago....
I posted about it on facebook and wrote something like 'I feel this with every inch of my being. Never could I have imagined the pain of losing a child could be replaced by using my gifts to help others but truly I tell you, God has blessed me so much'.
And that word, blessed, sat in my head and heart for a few days. How blessed we can be by moments, by seasons, that we didn't plan for, didn't want, didn't dream, plan, hope etc for.
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if the thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?
When friends betray us
And when darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if the thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?
This isn't the first time this song as spoke to me in such a powerful way. I even blogged about it before
right here. But this time the thoughts swirling in my head are different...at least somewhat. This particular part keeps playing on repeat in my brain....
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?
My blessings did come through raindrops...if tears could be thought of as raindrops. My healing came through those tears...and continues to come through them year after year too. Losing a child was never something I imagined I would have to walk through. Losing a child who's face I get to see every day wasn't something I would have ever imagined I would think of a blessing. And maybe it isn't so much that I think of it as a blessing...not in the way that I think of other things God has given me as blessings...but rather that I think of it as a mercy in disguise. It was a catalyst to change, to becoming who God knew I could become the more and more I gave my heart to others.
I never imagined I could find the strength to walk through another person's grief journey. I never imagined I could speak freely of how loss brought me to a relationship with Jesus and taught me what faith and hope really are. I never imagined I could find peace when part of my heart lives in heaven. But all of that and more have happened because God took Cole home.
This morning when I was thinking about what I wanted to put down in this post today I was thinking of how the Holy Spirit dwells in all of us and how God speaks to us through the Holy Spirit. Hearing that quote above and feeling so strongly that I was to write about this and being reminded again and again to think and pray about what to write as Blessings kept playing in my head spoke volumes to me about the voice of the spirit and how God gets our attention. And as I pondered this I was given a clear reminder of another time recently when God spoke so clearly to me. I had what I can only express as a 'Holy Spirit moment' regarding a decision I had made at work. It was a decision I had thought was best for me, best because it protected my heart, best because I knew making a different decision could stretch me emotionally more than anything has in my professional life since I was in my early 20's. And then just as clear as if God spoke out loud to me, I heard a voice in my head and heart tell me that the I needed to make a different decision and that it would be the next step my heart needed to take in a walking through heartache and loss. And today I felt the Laura Story song, the work situation and my own journey through loss of a child are coming together to form this picture....
My son in heaven greeting another child as they arrive, walking ahead of us, the family they both left behind. And me, walking beside these parents and helping them navigate the journey God has placed them on, helping them as they learn that sometimes blessings come in raindrops and healing comes in tears and that the trials of this life are God's mercies in disguise.
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