Today marks the 10th anniversary of the day my life changed forever. It was the day that four simple letters would become part of my daily thoughts, words and heart for the rest of my life. I realize it's only 10 years later, not the rest of my life yet, but I guarantee you that TTTS is a part of my daily life. And I guarantee you that it will be that way forever. Those 4 words changed us forever and there's no going back.
Before that day I had a very vague sense of what TTTS was. I actually even knew someone who had lost a nephew to it. I knew it was a complication that could happen and is the kind of pregnancy I had but I also had been told, and had read, that it was so very rare that it was really not something I needed to worry about, that it was only something my doctor should worry about. And my doctor did check for signs of it I guess but I don't really know that he knew what he was looking for all of the time.
Today I will think about that day. I'll remember seeing him that morning and how he told me everything looked great. I'll remember how a few hours later I went for a scheduled ultrasound only to find out the hospital had cancelled it on me and not informed me. I remember becoming, honestly, quite bitchy with them and insisting they do it anyway. The motive behind that had nothing to do with the health of my babies but was purely selfish. I wanted to know the gender of these babies so I could finally buy them clothes. Little did I know that the fight that I put up for that ultrasound would ultimately save the life of Cameron.
I will remember them telling me that they weren't sure they got all the right measurements and they needed to have a radiologist come take a look. I remember that doctor doing many scans, taking measurements and listening to sounds that I now know were dopplers. I had no idea what was going on and that the time I wasn't too worried. I didn't become worried until they told me they were just taking a look to ensure they had everything and 20 minutes went past. Then I knew something was up and the moment my doctor walked into the room I knew it was something bad. As soon as he started talking to me about what was going on I knew that it was Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome and I even mentioned it to him. I still had no idea the magnitude of how those four words would change my life for forever.
I will remember driving to Toronto and be coming very anxious as we got to the downtown area. That anxious feeling comes back to me everytime we go down.
I will recall registering at the hospital and then giving me to wrist bracelets for the babies. I told the lady at the best but I didn't need them because my babies were not going to be born in that hospital. And the I was right about that I would have rather have had them both born there than one of them die there.
I will remember being admitted through triage and bleeding all over the nurse and the floor when they put my IV in. I will never forget meeting Dr Wendy Whittle who gave us such reassurance things were very favorable for us. She was so confident that the TTTS had been happening for days at best.
and I will remember saying the last prayer I would say for many many months that night as I try to fall asleep. I remember asking God to be with both my boys , to keep them safe and inside of me for another 10 or more weeks.
It was the first day of my forever.
Before that day I had a very vague sense of what TTTS was. I actually even knew someone who had lost a nephew to it. I knew it was a complication that could happen and is the kind of pregnancy I had but I also had been told, and had read, that it was so very rare that it was really not something I needed to worry about, that it was only something my doctor should worry about. And my doctor did check for signs of it I guess but I don't really know that he knew what he was looking for all of the time.
Today I will think about that day. I'll remember seeing him that morning and how he told me everything looked great. I'll remember how a few hours later I went for a scheduled ultrasound only to find out the hospital had cancelled it on me and not informed me. I remember becoming, honestly, quite bitchy with them and insisting they do it anyway. The motive behind that had nothing to do with the health of my babies but was purely selfish. I wanted to know the gender of these babies so I could finally buy them clothes. Little did I know that the fight that I put up for that ultrasound would ultimately save the life of Cameron.
I will remember them telling me that they weren't sure they got all the right measurements and they needed to have a radiologist come take a look. I remember that doctor doing many scans, taking measurements and listening to sounds that I now know were dopplers. I had no idea what was going on and that the time I wasn't too worried. I didn't become worried until they told me they were just taking a look to ensure they had everything and 20 minutes went past. Then I knew something was up and the moment my doctor walked into the room I knew it was something bad. As soon as he started talking to me about what was going on I knew that it was Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome and I even mentioned it to him. I still had no idea the magnitude of how those four words would change my life for forever.
I will remember driving to Toronto and be coming very anxious as we got to the downtown area. That anxious feeling comes back to me everytime we go down.
I will recall registering at the hospital and then giving me to wrist bracelets for the babies. I told the lady at the best but I didn't need them because my babies were not going to be born in that hospital. And the I was right about that I would have rather have had them both born there than one of them die there.
I will remember being admitted through triage and bleeding all over the nurse and the floor when they put my IV in. I will never forget meeting Dr Wendy Whittle who gave us such reassurance things were very favorable for us. She was so confident that the TTTS had been happening for days at best.
and I will remember saying the last prayer I would say for many many months that night as I try to fall asleep. I remember asking God to be with both my boys , to keep them safe and inside of me for another 10 or more weeks.
It was the first day of my forever.
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