This year I’ve decided to take on an Advent project. I’ve thought a lot lately about what the season of Advent really means but more than that, I’ve been thinking of how I can focus on Advent and not on the sad memories that fill so much of December for me. I want change this year, I need change this year. I know that I am in a much better place and have things planned for Cole’s Angel Day that will surely bring me peace.
But that is just one day…one day in a month that contains days that bring back so much… days of loss of others in my life dating all the way back to high school. Days where ‘the world’ recognizes TTTS Awareness Day and I focus on spreading the word and sharing my boys story with others, remembering the journey we took and the treatments that were offered. Days where I remember exactly where I was when I learned of ‘a problem’, the drive, the diagnosis, the surgery, the news of the results, the waiting game. The day that became the worst day of my life. And the days that followed where I didn’t know how to cope, what would happen, if I’d make home from the hospital with any babies. The days that lead up and included a holiday that I didn’t want to celebrate, that I didn’t want to think about all the dreams I’d had for Christmases of the future involving matching outfits and matching toys. In total the month likely has about 8 days that don’t tie in, somehow, with reminders and memories.
And so it is time to have a new focus. It is a focus that may bring up some of these memories but they will contain thoughts and words of hope, of love, of joy and of peace.
I plan to use the themes for each week of Advent and to write each and every day about that theme. It might be something small, it might be a story that reminds of that theme, a poem or song I find, scripture or just thoughts of what that word/theme means to me.
I invite everyone who is reading this to join me. I think it is a great project and I plan to post a small bit of the blog post on facebook like many of my American friends did leading up to their Thanksgiving with the theme of being thankful. For example ‘This is the week of Hope. Today I think of the hope I found in each message, email, note, card or phone call I received during my hospital stay’…. Just a sample.
I will be starting an event page on facebook and hope that you will join me there too. Please comment here and please share the message too.
Thanks for your support on this much healing journey I take this year.