Monday, August 9, 2010

“Patience is the companion of wisdom.” - St. Augustine
“All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope” - Alexandre Dumas Pere
“Faith is not simply a patience that passively suffers until the storm is past. Rather, it is a spirit that bears things - with resignations, yes, but above all, with blazing, serene hope.” Corazon Aquino

I found these quotes when I was looking for something insightful to put on here on a topic that I am striving, for so many reasons, to embrace. Have you ever given any thought to how hard it is to be patient?
My struggle with patience covers a great many areas of my life right now. The greatest is with my living children....and I am quite certain I am not alone in my need for this in my life...any mom, especially those home with their kids all summer, must struggle with this from time to time (or all the time!!!). And if the above quotes are close to the truth...well then I think I might be struggling with wisdom lately too.
It is so very hard sometimes to just sit and not interfere, to not question, to not take over. I am sure, in my case, it comes from wanting to be in control and not being able to be at times. Now that's not to say that I let my kids be the ones in control.... though my husband might argue that with me. I try to give the kids credit, try to allow them their time to do what needs to be done. But it is so very hard to sit back and watch it all unfold...sometimes literally and not jump in and push things along, make things happen the way I want them done or nag them along to do it at my pace.
And I guess life in general can be a lot like that. Sitting back and letting things happen as the may, not jumping in to interfere with the natural order of things, not trying to control it all....well man that is hard.
I remember sitting with my social worker at St. Joe's and having this very conversation. I hated the lack of control I had over my life. I hated the unknown and I hated the fear. And maybe that is the worst part of not having patience...the fear. Worry breeds fear...or maybe fear breeds worry. Either way it's a heck of a life to live...being fearful and worrying about the things you have no control over.
I've thought a lot lately about those early TTTS days...heck the early twin days too. I have recently been contacted by a mom who lost her donor without even knowing she had TTTS and she has asked about our story. Retelling it is keeps it alive in my mind which keeps Cole alive too. But it also reminds me of that fear, that worry, that lack of patience.
But if St. Augustine and Alexandre Dumas Pere are correct, then patience goes hand in hand with hope and hope, to me, goes hand in hand with faith. To have hope is to feel that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best...that it will work out for the best. And to have hope is to have faith.
Faith is one of those hard things... some believe that to be faithful you can't question. But to never question is, well not human I don't think. No matter how many questions are asked...and no matter how many just don't seem to have answers, if you have faith that God is all loving, all forgiving, all giving and all encompassing then you will find peace and...patience.
What a circle it can be....not an easy path but so much easier than having no faith no hope, no patience. No one said it would be easy to sit and wait for the listening to begin, the jobs to get done and fighting to stop. No one said it would be easy to live a Christian question your choices, God's plan and the trials of life. No one and I mean NO ONE ever said it would be easy to lose a loved one, especially a child... I hope no one is that cruel. But many have said, and I believe many are in God, have faith, have hope and you will find that it is so much easier then to have the patience to wait for God's plan to unfold and reveal itself to you.

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