Blessings
We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not
This is not our home
It's not our home
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
And what if trials of this life-
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
I get teary eyed every time I listen to this song and I'm not going to lie, right now, at this moment I am all but sobbing. Why? Because this song speaks to my heart so very much. It reminds me of the heartbreak that we experienced when we lost Cole, and, not going to lie, the heartache I continue to feel when I think of him, when I remember our journey, when I find myself wishing that we hadn't lost him. And it makes me realize that nothing in this life is guaranteed....except God's love.
It's a hard concept to take in for many and for me, too, at times. To wrap your head around the idea that the toughest things we go through can be the things that change us the most, that impact us for the better the most. They are the things that break us of our ways that keep us from connecting with Jesus. They are the things that make us question what we've been taught about God, about Jesus, about faith. And they are the things that bring us to our knees, that nearly break us and make us hit rock bottom. And from there...well from there the only thing to do is to cling to faith.
Our journey with TTTS definitely was a mercy in disguise. It was the hardest thing I ever went through. It made me question everything I'd ever known about faith, made me turn away from people who offered prayers and words of faith. It made me ask why over and over again. I struggled to find myself in this new normal but in time I began to see how God could use this journey, use me, to bring hope to others. I began to lean on Him in a way that I didn't know I could. I entered into a relationship with Jesus that I didn't know could exist. But it didn't come easy and it didn't come without prayers...prayers that didn't seem to be answered or heard.
Because so often the hardest thing about finding your way to a place of peace, to these mercies in disguise, is to pray..and not receive. We pray for our families to be protected, for wisdom in making decisions, for healing, for God to ease suffering. And when our prayers aren't answered the way we envision, when we don't hear God's voice when we are trying to make decisions, when suffering continues and healing isn't happening, we often turn from God. We feel angry. We feel alone. And it is in these moments that we need to trust God and to feel his steadfast love.
I don't know about you but my anxiety has been on overdrive for the last 3 weeks. This virus is overwhelming at time. The news is intimidating and the changes that every single day seem to bring feels like something I can't manage, can't live through. Everything we've known as normal has become a distant memory or a dream of the future when we might be back there again. Living in the here and now doesn't feel good and it keeps me up at night, it makes me cry at times and it completely overwhelms me at others. Sometimes I wonder where God is in all of this.
But what if that's it....the tears, the sleepless nights, the worry and fear feeling overwhelming, the anxiety feeling consuming, the wait for answers or healing, the suffering moments ending in loss of life...what if all of those moments are meant to change us, to mold us, to make us see that this world can not give us what He can. What if what if trials of this life, The rain, the storms, the hardest nights Are God's mercies in disguise?
God wants nothing more from us but for us to lean into Him, He wants nothing more than for us to enter in to a relationship with Him...a trusting and meaningful relationship. We can't see what this journey through this devastating virus will bring us to, we can't always see positives, light at the end of the tunnel, a purpose...anything positive.
And yet the world is slowing down. Families are enjoying hours of time together. Parents are seeing the workings of their kids brains as they explore and learn. Communities are coming together to support one another. World leaders are showing their true selves, showing sides of themselves that often are hidden, bringing (or not bringing) compassion and empathy into the words they express to the people who look to them for leadership, support and guidance during difficult times. God is behind all of that. Every. Single. Step. He's behind this.
This trial will eventually be behind us and we will be changed because of it. And I am so grateful that at every twist in the road of this journey I know God will be there, Jesus will be walking beside me and the Holy Spirit will speak into me with words and actions that can only be considered supernatural.
Lean into Him. Let this be His mercy in disguise.
