Earlier this fall I
read a book that inspired me and filled me with a newfound desire to provide
others with a place to find hope in the midst of trials and tragedy. The book was ‘When God Doesn’t Fix it’ by
Laura Story. She is a Christian worship
artist and song writer, whose most famous song is ‘Indescribable’ was made well
known by Chris Tomlin.
Very early into her
marriage Laura and her husband Martin went through a great trial. Martin developed a brain tumour and nearly
died from complications post surgery.
Many people prayed for Martin.
Laura prayed that God would heal him and that they could continue with
their life together. Though Martin
survived, he was left with permanent brain damage and spent months relearning
many of his daily routines. Some areas
of his brain never healed and their life completely changed, their plans and
focus completely changed.
She shared this
personal and heartfelt message with others years into their journey after
realizing that, though her prayers had not been answered as she had thought
they would be, there was much to learn from their journey.
If you had told me ten years
ago that my husband’s illness would end up being our greatest platform for
ministry I would have run screaming in the other direction. Let’s be honest. No
one asks for a platform of pain or a stage of suffering. Martin’s brain tumor
and resulting disabilities have been a challenge for us, both physically and
spiritually. They have stretched us beyond what we thought possible and even
caused us to question the very faith we had held tightly for many years.
I have often wondered why God
chose me to walk through this trial so publicly, and many days literally on a
stage. My faith is small. Most days I wake up feeling too weak for the task
laid before me. But it is in those moments that my heart is reminded of the
truth God whispered to Paul in the jail cell—a setting he hadn’t asked for
either. In 2 Corinthians 12:9, He says to Paul, “My grace is sufficient for
you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Is it possible that God would
allow situations into the lives of those who are most weak in order to showcase
His perfect redemptive power?
This is why I wrote When God Doesn’t Fix It.
It’s for for those who have
found themselves at the holy crossroads of trying to decide whether to turn
from God or trust Him with greater abandon. In many ways it’s a story of
faithlessness (pun intended) that God has redeemed by His faithfulness. But
most of all, it’s another way of surrendering my life and story to God, to see
His power displayed in ways that I could only dream might be possible.
Eventually God put it on her heart to write and record this song…
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
Cause what if Your
blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we’d have faith to believe
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we’d have faith to believe
Cause what if Your
blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It’s not our home
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It’s not our home
Cause what if Your
blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching(s) of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching(s) of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
And this chorus made me sit up and wonder if she was reading
my thoughts, if the words I had spoken and written had been written into a
song…
Cause what if Your
blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
Because for so long I’ve felt that my healing from the loss
of Cole and from the trials of my life had to come to through my tears and my
sleepless nights wondering what my life was, what was I supposed to be doing,
why was this my life. But moreover that
the trials of my life were God’s mercies because they led me to Him.
But the final chorus didn’t just speak to me, it brought me
to tears…tears of understanding and of feeling so accepted and so
connected.
Cause what if Your
blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching(s) of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching(s) of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
My greatest disappointments…a marriage that wasn’t what I
thought marriage should be, financial insecurities and repeated mismanagement
and, most of all, the loss of a child, of a dream and of a feeling of family
completeness… it lead me to thirst for answers, for peace, for hope and for
acceptance. I found that in Jesus and
know that without Him and his grace I would not be who I am today.
As I read her book and read why she wrote it I knew God had
placed it in my hands for a reason. She
talked about how it’s not what we walk through in this life that makes a
difference but how we walk through what we walk through. She shared how she realized that every bit of
encouragement we received on this journey was through someone being bold enough
to share their story with us. She
realized that when we allow God to shine through our broken stories, we not
only bless those around us and give God the glory he deserves; we also begin to
experience the healing our souls long for.
And then I knew what God wanted me to do. He wanted me to share my story…all of
it. Not just the part about Cole and
Cameron, TTTS and all I’ve done involving that but all of it. Where my faith journey began, how it was
formed early on and how that lead me to where I went when Cole passed
away. But moreover I knew that God was
asking me to be bold and to step out of my comfort zone. To share where I’ve been because of these trials
and others I’ve been through because others need to hear them and see how God
shines through my brokenness. I knew
that I could bless others, help others by sharing for them but also as another
step in healing my soul.
And so I decided that this December, the 8th
holiday season I’ll experience since Cole went to be with Jesus, I needed to
share. I always need to find a way to
focus myself during this difficult month of memories and sharing my story just
seemed to be it. But it didn’t end there
because my story isn’t the only one that needs to be shared. I’ve met so many people who need to have
their story shared as a way to allow God to shine through and bless others, to
offer hope.
So this December I will share as much of my story as I can
manage to get written to share. It’s
HUGE… I love to write you know LOL! It
will take many days to share all that I wish to share and it’s still not all
written. So in between some of my days
of sharing, I will share the stories of friends who also need to give God the
glory He deserves for all He did to write their story, for all He did to shine
through them.
Please feel free to share any of the posts on your social
media site or with anyone who you think might find God’s blessing in them.
