Wednesday, April 9, 2014

The Troubles of our Life...the Plans for our Life

Ok so I took a bit of a break in my writing.  I was, to be honest, shocked when I realized that it's been 6 weeks since I last posted.  I have some good reasons for that (for one I am, essentially, living the life of a single parent every evening and I give those parents credit..I have no idea how they do it..I am exhausted!!!) and some crappy ones too...lack of motivation and being torn in a few areas lately.  I do have some thoughts of some posts I want to write so let's just hope I can pull them off without it taking another 6 weeks!
Today I want to share scripture that I have likely shared before but that has come to me from a most heartwrenching and yet faithful story I have encountered in a long time.  The blog is written by a mom as she lives in the moment...the last moments perhaps...of one of her son's lives.  Ironically, a son who is also an identical twin. I will share the link to her blog at the end but suffice to say I have learned so much from this family. 
She posted one day about God's plan for us and shared this scripture....
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11
And as she watches her son slowly losing his energy, his ability to walk, his ability to make full and complete she watches him dying before her eyes to be able to reflect in a positive manner about God's plans is truly awe inspiring. 
Oh how very hard it is to understand God's plans, oh how much it hurts to accept that He is actually planning this.  What good can possibly come from this child leaving his family, leaving his identical twin and best friend?  How on earth can you possibly prosper from this pain?  I've asked myself this before too.  Why would God plan to give me twins only to take back one of them?  How could it have propered me? How could it have NOT hurt me? 
The truth is that somedays I really truly wonder about this, wonder what on earth (or in heaven) was God thinking in putting me on this journey.  But then I meet someone who is so lost and struggling.  I encounter a family that needs help to even get the treatment they need and I am able to connect them wtih The Fetal Health Foundation.  Or I reflect on the things that Mt. Sinai has been able to do with the money we have raised.  And even more importantly I have someone say to me 'your faith amazes and inspires me. What you have allowed the Lord to do in you because of your TTTS journey astounds me' and then I realize that was and is part of God's plan for me.  He did give me a hope and future just as he is giving this family a hope and a future.  I can't see His plan for me or for them but I know it is there..I know He's got his hand in everything !
"In this world you will have trouble.
But take heart! I have overcome the world."
John 16:33
 And that's just it... there are troubles in this world, we are going to have them.  But God doesn't hand us them, allow us to have them and then just walk away.  No he tells us he knows they will happen because he knows sin happens but not to worry, He overcame the world and he promises that for us, that salvation.  Now back up to the first part of the last sentence I wrote... God knows we will have trouble because he knows sin happens.  These bad things that happen to us aren't from God.  TTTS isn't from God. Cancer isn't from God. As the mom of the blog posted...
The bad stuff we come across? The bad stuff that plagues our world? Cancer, sickness, accidents... none of it is from God. The Bible says that only good things come from God.
"Every good and perfect gift is from above,
coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights,
who does not change like shifting shadows."
James 1:17
God doesn't change, His message doesn't change.  His grace doesn't change.  He accepts us as we are and forgives us for our sin.  He promised to look after his people, he promised that the good things would come, he promised us that it would not be easy but that we could know that if we trusted him, loved him, believed he sent his son to save us and did our best to live in ways that are honouring to him and asked for forgiveness when we didn't...he promised us salvation.  He is the alpha and the omega...the beginning and the end.  He brings us into this world and he carries us through it.  He's there to hold us up when our legs can no longer carry us, he is there to dry our tears when there are rivers of them.  And he's there to take us home when our time comes. 
Sure it sucks when the time comes much to early in our opinion but God knows what he's doing and he knows we will make it.  And why is that...because in our weakness He is strong.

"But he said to me,
"My grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
so that Christ's power may rest on me."
2 Corinthians 12:9
 When I fall to my knees sobbing because I miss my son so much, when I cry quiet tears above Cameron's tears as he tells me he misses Cole and wants his brother hear now, God's had him long enough, when I can't pay the bills and am not sure how to feed my family, when I feel lost and alone... those are my weakest times and in all of those I always know I will be ok.  I always know that God is weeping with me and he's finding ways to put it all back together again. 
I have been told many times that I am so strong.  I am not strong, God is strong.  I am weak, I am sinful, I am prideful, I am lost.. but He has found me and He has lifted me up in my worst moments.  I will boast that I have had these moments, I will admit loudly that we have hit rock bottom and God picked us up, worked to heal our hearts and our marriage.  I will admit right now that sometimes the future scares me, the unknown scares me, my repeated mistakes scare me and most of all that I might lose another one of my children... but I don't admit this because I want pity, attention, sympathy. I admit them because I know that by admitting I am weak, a sinner...a human... that He will give me the strength to put one foot in front of the other and carry on to a new day. 

For anyone who would like to read the blog I am talking about here is the link.
Mindy is such an awesome example of a trusting and faithful servant.

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