Friday, August 23, 2013

Running out of Motivational Monday guests but never out of's why....

So anyone who watches my blog might have noticed that TWO Mondays have now gone by without a post.  Why... well number 1 is I am lazy..I admit it.  I haven't been 'hunting' my friends down to get them to tell me their stories and I haven't been searching for stories to share.
Number 2 is personal...I have a ton of stress going on right now that I am not really openly sharing and it's taken a way from my focus on blogging... I have 3 blogs posts in process to post inspired by song and by sermons but I just can't seem to put myself in the right mindset to finish them...but I will.

 Number 3 is what has been taking up my time and will tie into what I am posting about today.  About 2 weeks ago I began planning our 4th annual fundraiser for Mt. Sinai Hospital, for Dr. Ryan's Fetal Therapy program.  I admit, I get just a wee bit obsessed when I start planning things and have spent HOURS on the computer in the last few weeks promoting, connecting with vendors, connecting with TTTS families who plan to attend, making posters and organizing.  I am happy to say the worst of that 'work' is over...which I am highly impressed with.  If you want to check out what we are planning this year please check out
The reason we do this fundraiser is no surprise to anyone but I decided today to talk about what motivates us to do this fundraiser, what motivates me to meet and support other families online, what motivates me to love, cherish and appreciate these adorable faces....

My friend Kathleen made this beautiful image up for me last winter and I just LOVE it.  It totally shows the love my boys have for each other, the connecting they will always have, the guidance that Cole will always give Cameron from above.
These little boys changed my life forever.  From the moment I learned I was pregnant with not just one surprise baby but two my life has been forever changed, forever blessed.

I could spend days remembering on here...the feelings I had when I learned, the ways I shared that with everyone, the varying emotions I felt in those first few weeks.  I could share all the plans I had, the joy I felt at each ultrasound, the excitement I had as I organized bedrooms, arranged to get two of everything, ordered and received my HUGE double stroller.

And of course I could spend a long time remembering that fateful day....the long wait in the ultrasound room, the face of my doctor as he shared the diagnosis, the trip to Toronto, the official diagnosis and treatment plan, the surgery and then, of course, the horrible news.
But instead I choose to share my little wonders with you today, my little miracles, my little motivators...

I see that tiny baby in that picture there and I find it hard to believe that this little wild man was ever that small....

I decided to share some our 'Cameron'ism' with you today...some of the neat things he does that make me know just how amazing he is, how touched by his twin he truly lucky I am to be his mom.
For those that have met Cameron you will know that he talks well, really well for someone who is 4...and he talks ALL THE TIME!!!  We spoke to a counsellor friend about this one time and she had a great perspective on that.  She said that perhaps Cameron is filling the space of two.  He's knows deep inside that there should be that much noise, that much conversation...and so there is!  He is also a VERY busy boy.  He's full of life and busy boy ness.  He's always going in an out of the door, finding things to show us that he's found outdoors, finding toys and starting complete imaginary conversations and stories with.  It's amazing what he comes up with.
But it's not just busy-ness that is magnified.  It's also double the love, double the hugs, double the kisses.  He will come up to us and just stand quietly.  When you ask what he wants he tells you just a hug, that's all.  He'll also just fly up to you and wrap you in a big hug and then run off.
But these pictures show a side of him that we see often too.... 

The deep joy and happiness he has.  Not to say that he is always happy...but he has a joy inside of him that none of my other kids have had...and that gets noticed by complete strangers.  

 And we also see a seriousness at times.  I sometimes wonder at what he's so deep in thought about. I sometimes wonder where he goes at times when he's so quiet and serious.  I like to think he's connecting with Cole but I also wonder if this change is Cole... coming out in Cameron, coming to visit us.
This little boy is a survivor.  He endured a life threatening condition known as TTTS , a fetal surgery...followed by another life threatening condition of severe anemia. He then lived with little to know amniotic fluid and managed to NOT be born a micro preemie, to not arrive at a life threatening time, at the life altering size of only 1 lb 8oz.  He did arrive 6 weeks early at a tiny 4lb 1.5 oz and he came out SCREAMING!!!  He took a really long time to figure out how to get bigger but then he grew and he grew and he grew.  He became a busy boy, a loud boy, a talkative boy and a fun loving joy of a boy.  And I admit, like the Robert Munsch book says, I have been known to pick him up when I  know this busy little boy is truly fast asleep and rock him back and forth and back and forth and back forth and tell him that 'I'll love him forever, I'll like him for always and as long as I'm living, my baby he'll be'.
He and Cole have inspired me to share, to care, to support, to step outside of my comfort zone.  They motivate me to help others and to be a better person.  I feel so very blessed....

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