Today's guest blogger hails from 'across the pond', in Birmingham, U.K. Yet again a mom I met on facebook who was struggling to pick up the pieces after TTTS shattered her dreams. I will admit, I don't stay in touch with Vicki that well but I do know that she has found support and comfort by some of my TTTS writings, posts and groups as it's those kind of places and posts that she comments on. When I hear things like that it makes the time I get caught up in the TTTS family (and maybe neglect my own at times) a bit easier to justify.
Here is Vicki's story of how TTTS changed her perspective and her life and how inspiration was born from it.
After two and half years we sat accepting the news we were finally pregnant. We took one months fertility treatment and were lucky enough to be pregnant as a result as I lay at the first scan I asked them "is there just one" I don't know why I just knew two beautiful babies were growing inside me. The radiologist prodded around and confirmed what I knew already yes there were two.
At 16 weeks we had a scan and was told we were expecting boys which we named Alfie and Elliot.
At 23 weeks I lay at a routine scan and the radiologist was quiet. My husband asked is everything ok and they just replied I'll tell you in a minute that minute felt like an hour and then we were told one of our beautiful boys had died from acute TTTS. I thought my life was falling apart I couldn't understand it
"Why was this happening to me" "what did I do wrong" it was all so quick no warning he had just gone.
For the next 14 weeks I worried everyday for my unborn twin and resisted grieving for the son I had lost. Everyone I spoke to just kept telling me stay positive for Alfie.
Alfie and Elliot were born at 37 weeks. We went through an awful time with a midwife who clearly had issues with being positive about our lifeless child. I had an amazing bereavement midwife though and the next day when I truly thought they had just discarded Elliot she came to me with hand and footprints and best of all a smile. We said goodbye to Elliot with a proper funeral and had balloon release in his memory.
Alfie is a wonderful nearly 4 yr old now. He has cerebral palsy making his mobility difficult but he is amazing and such an inspiration. He has gone through so much in his early life yet he has progressed to a level we didn't know he was able to get too. I truly believe he will continue to progress and make me proud forever.
We always remember Elliot and Alfie is aware of this. On the day of Elliot's funeral we saw lots of ladybirds around our garden and for that reason we associate all ladybirds with Elliot. I really believe that Elliot sacrificed himself for his brother. Alfie was the recipient twin and always smaller than Elliot. It's like Elliot gave him his share to save his life and for that alone I'm the proudest mom of Elliot. There are many reasons to be thankful for what you have but when you have been blessed with a hero of an angel and a gorgeous little boy to live in his memory it makes your perspective of life so much clearer.
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