Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Voices - 1

I don't often think much about the words I hear or say... I mean I think about meaningful things that I hear but really not about thoughts that come into my head because of them. I also rarely consider what everyday words can mean and what they can do.
I mentioned in this post about having moments where I truly felt God speak to me. At the end of April I traveled to Camp Kahquah my best friend's sister. I've known her for years but didn't really connect with her. She called me up and invited me to join her at this women's retreat just after my baptism. I felt very drawn to say yes and am so glad I was exactly what I needed!
The theme for the retreat tied into the theme of our women's ministry focus at our church, “God’s Handiwork-creating beauty from the inside out". We explored women's role throughout time and how hard it can be to find your way, what wounds get in the way, how difficult it is to navigate and how hard it can be to hear and belief God's voice as he tells you what he thinks of you, as he shows you just how beautiful you are to him and to hear his message of guidance to you. I am so new at this and most of the time I just have no idea what God is saying to me. But in reading the book that we are studying at our church, Captivating and in spending time in meditation and amongst the amazing beauty of God's world I have begun to learn more about myself and hear some words from God. At one point we were asked to ask God to show us what our beauty is and how he wants us to shine. I went for a walk and reflected on this and really nothing came to me. Maybe I was searcing too hard, maybe I just can't hear God's voice? Regardless, later we were asked to kind of expand on this and just ask God speak to us in whatever format and whatever means he chose. And so I listened to the music that was being sung for us and I closed my eyes and I prayed for God to tell me what it is that I was supposed to be doing. I told him that I just didn't feel like I was listening hard enough, trying hard enough, praying enough, moving forward in my Christian journey. Everyone else there seemed to have stories about God speaking to them, feeling directed by God to do this, praying to God for help with that. I just felt, well inadequate.
And then this vision popped into my head...

And I heard the words 'baby steps, baby steps'. I picked up my pen and began to write what this meant to me but to my surprise it wasn't my voice I was writing in...
"You can not run before you learn to walk. Do not rush this journey you are on. Stop trying to push yourself to the place you 'think' you should be at. Allow me to lead you. Pray, reflect, read, write and share. Your writing is a gift I've given you and sharing your journey, your story, your questions and my answers that I give through music, scripture, and my voice...this is how you can impact others. This is what I want from you".
Wow...pretty powerful to me. And pretty much what I've been doing a lot of lately...except the sharing part... not so good at that. Well not in the writing aspect. I've been talking a lot(what a surprise LOL) about my faith and what I'm hearing from God but I haven't shared that in writing. I have been writing again though... a few more pages added to the book. Yay me!
I am reminded often though what words can do and how much you can do, how much you can impact with only a few words, or only a few well intended but misunderstood words... but that will wait til my next post. Stay tuned for voices part 2

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