But given I left that community over 25 years ago, it's also inevitable that you don't speak to most of these second cousins for years and years. And while I did see many of them a few weeks ago at our town's homecoming reunion that happens every 10 years, I didn't actually talk to anyone from this branch of the family. But that doesn't mean we don't stay somewhat connected (thank you facebook) nor does it mean my heart doesn't hurt for all of them...her kids and husband, her parents, her siblings and all her aunts, uncles, cousins and her grandma....the last matriarch in that generation of the family tree.
I found out she passed when I saw this photo posted by her sister and then read all the comments of condolences, and, well, shock. No quote could be more fitting to this situation than this one. No one could have ever predicted this happening but something I heard yesterday when I went to her visitation made me wonder if maybe she did sense life was about to change.
You see her dad made a point of sharing with me and my parents that just two days prior to her death she had a deep and spiritual conversation with him. She told him that she had such a sense of peace and contentment in her life right now. She told him that she didn't go to church often any more but that almost every Sunday morning she would go for a run or a walk and she'd talk to God. She said she felt like her life was exactly where God wanted it to be right now and she was so content with everything, so at peace. His eyes met mine as he said that and I was filled with such a sense of peace too. But more than that, I was filled with words to share. I shared with him that I felt God gave her that moment with him and that those were the words he needed to hear and the memory God wanted him to have at that moment. He had no idea that he didn't have much time left with this oldest daughter of his but in that moment he was given such a gift from her.
And as I shared those words with him it became my turn to give him a hug and offer my words of condolences. I found myself overcome with tears as I hugged this dad who was missing his child so much but I had no idea that I was about to be moved to tears even further. Her dad stepped back slightly from me and looked me in the eyes and he said "Don't stop doing what you do for others. Don't stop sharing your heart. Don't stop helping other people the way you do. I read everything you share online and how much you put your heart out there. Don't stop that. People need it, need you, more than you know."
Wow. Just wow.
He went to tell me that so many people had shared with him the impact his daughter had on their lives and he was sure she had no idea what an inspiration she was. She changed lives by sharing boldly and by helping others and he told me that I do this too. He reminded me again to not stop being me, to not stop sharing what's on my heart because I just don't know who needs to hear it.
It made me realize that we just don't know. We don't how much we are impacting others. We don't know who hears our words or reads our thoughts. We don't realize that so much of what do in life impacts others in ways we may never hear about. I don't think when I write a message of support or write a blog post of the impact it may have. I may do it to help other people sometimes but often I just start writing, like I am today, without any real thoughts on who will read it, where I am heading with it or what people might think of what I am saying. Sometimes I write to support others. Sometimes I write to offer others who might be walking a similar path some words they can relate to or, even better yet, share to help people in their own life understand them better. Much of the time I start with a tiny idea that seems to explode, often in a direction that I wasn't even planning. Someone once told me that God is using me, that the Holy Spirit is speaking through me. That's pretty cool. And it makes me realize that my cousin's dad (guess that makes him my cousin too) is right. I can't stop sharing because it's what I'm supposed to do. And I can't stop because I don't know how long I have left in my life to do this.
We don't know how much time we have on this earth. As Dean Brody says (check out the end of this blog for his song....speaks volumes, trust me) ' The trouble is you think you have time. You think tomorrows always coming down the line. And then one day you wake up and you find the trouble is you thought you had time'
We always think we have time to do this 'one thing', that we can get to it tomorrow. But Amy didn't get a tomorrow and maybe I won't either. Maybe this is all the life I've got. Amy's brother in law, who I've known since I was a little kid, made a comment yesterday that he didn't think he'd have many people come to say goodbye, many people who would miss him. He said he didn't think he'd made much of impact on the world but that Amy sure had. I have no idea if he's right but I think not. I think many of us might be amazed by the impact we've had on others. I was sure taken by surprise yesterday.
And I guess that's where my title of this blog comes in. We don't know who we inspire and we don't know the legacy we'll leave behind. And that's ok...I don't really think we're supposed to know that. We just need to live our lives to the fullest, share our lives with others, share our hearts with others. And what we need to make sure we do while we are on this earth is to cherish those who've inspired us and whose legacy we are a part of.
Sometimes those who inspire us, whose legacies we transpire to fulfill weren't even a part of our earthly lives for long or perhaps weren't even someone we lived life with in a physical way but rather their footprints were left on our hearts in some way by their spiritual presence. For me there are many people who inspire me and a few legacies I want to ensure are as valued to others as they are to me.
Of no surprise to anyone, my son Cole has inspired me in ways I could have never imagined and left a legacy behind that I vow to fulfill for the rest of my life. And since we never know how much time we have left to live a legacy, to be inspired, to leave a legacy and inspire others then I just will promise to not stop doing what I'm doing ,to use the gifts God gave me and be all that I can be.
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