In the summer I heard reading from the book of James for, what I would have to admit, the first time ever. I am sure that there is a great amount of the bible that I’ve heard before and a great amount of common passages that I can recall but I have to admit that I’ve never REALLY listened before and never really appreciated what I was listening to.
The recurrent theme in my blogs lately has been of the things that get us through life…the good things and the bad. I’ve thought a lot about this scripture when I heard it and heard our pastor speak on it….
James 1 2-4, 12
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
Wow… what a concept. To consider it pure joy to face trials. To think that we should celebrate the challenges, the trials, the burdens, the loss, the tragedy, the crisis. If you’d told me that 2.5 years ago, I would have told you to jump in the lake. And really, even now, I have a hard time with this on the surface. If you only read that first verse you would slam the bible shut if you were in crisis. But the next few verses are what make me think…it helps that I heard a sermon on this topic too LOL!
The testing of our faith brings perseverance. To persevere can be defined as :a steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement. Our pastor found synonyms for the word perseverance… to go up and through, to carry on, to endure and to maintain. The theological definition is continuance in a state of grace to the end, leading to eternal salvation. And to go up and through certainly seems like that state of being that you find yourself in when you are in tragedy. My faith has been tested many times… most certainly in our TTTS journey but many times before and since. Sometimes I just want to scream why??? Sometimes I want to say ‘I’ve had ENOUGH!!!’. Sometimes I throw my hands up and say ‘really God, you really think I can get through this’. And I’ve also been known , while tears stream down my cheeks or my heart races with the worry, stress and strain, to say ‘I give up…I can’t do this’. But I do it, I keep going, I push forward, push up and through. And I get through it. Full of questions and asking why but I get through it.
Asking questions is okay…He expects that. Last spring when the community I live in dealt with the loss of two volunteer firemen, lost in the line of duty, the minister at the service shared something very interesting and comforting with us. He told us that someone once asked Mother Theresa what she would say to God when she first met Him in Heaven. Her response was “You have a lot of explaining to do”. If she can question God then I think all of us certainly can!
But back to perseverance….. Can I really believe, in my heart, that I should be happy and filled with joy that I am being given a burden to carry and a crisis to endure??? I am not sure I always do that now but I promise you I never did it before. I didn’t give up my faith, I didn’t give up on God. But I wasn’t able to find joy in my loss or my challenges. But it most certainly does build character, give you wisdom and help you grow. It is a most challenging concept but I am beginning to understand how true it is. When you get through it, when you persevere, you know that you did it through strength, tenacity and courage. Where do those things come from? To me, I say the Lord. He gives us those gifts, He gives us the strength.
We are blessed when we’ve persevered, we have accomplished great things through faith and by not giving up, we have shown the Lord that we are ready for judgment, we are ready for the crown of life because we love and trust the Lord.
Sounds so easy, doesn’t it. It isn’t, it never will be. But then, neither was the trials that Jesus endured for us. He suffered so much more than I ever have and yet his faith never waivered, He knew his reward was the crown of glory.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Give Thanks with a Grateful Heart!
Happy Belated Thanksgiving everyone! And to my American friends…this is , in my opinion, the best time to celebrate this wonderful holiday….when the harvest is coming off and the smell of fall is everywhere. It is a time to Thank God for the wonderful food we are so fortunate to enjoy and to thank Him for the ability to see, hear, touch and taste the glorious harvests.
I love fall and feel so fortunate to live in an area where we can appreciate the fall in its glorious splendor. I love that I am a farm kid and actually enjoy the dust and dirt of the combines, the smell of corn silage in the air and the slow pace that tractors and combines take. I love that my drive to work takes me past bush after bush of trees in all shades and past fields and wagons of pumpkins, gourds and squash.
We are such a blessed people and it is so wonderful to give thanks for that but thanks should not only be given this time of year….and yet it so often is. So often we can only think to say thanks when we are told to…and that isn’t right.
And so often people cannot seem to give thanks for everything in their lives.
1st Thessalonians 5:18 Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
Everything thing we have is a gift from God. EVERYTHING!!! It’s not just the obvious things like health, and happiness. It’s not just the opportunities and abundance. It’s not just the people and relationships. It’s every single thing you have, every morsel of food, every button and lace, every shoe and sock,every smile and laugh, every tear and sorrow…. every moment of everyday. And even when these things don’t seem to be going your way or you aren’t sure of things in your life, you need to be thankful…you need to find things that are good and thank God for those.
Philippians 4:6-7(NIV)
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
It is just that simple…. Give thanks for everything in every situation and don’t worry about anything. I know , I know , who am I kidding. I know it is hard, impossible some days. Life hands us some pretty big challenges sometimes. It hands us little challenges too…it hands us things everyday which are often hard to be thankful for or to see past and find the things that are good. And yet it is essential that we do that, that we work hard to see the good, the peace, the hope. If we don’t, then we are giving up and letting it control us. I always find it interesting when people focus on themselves and how horrible their life is. I am know I am guilty of this at times but thankfully it doesn’t happen for any great length of time. Usually I am just beginning my poor, poor pity me rant when I see a story on the news or on my favourite social media outlet…facebook… about a loss, crisis and tragedy and I realize how good my life is. I wish everyone could operate that way, I wish people could look at those around them before they complain and realize how good their life is and give praise for that. Instead they complain about things that sometimes those who they complain to would give anything to have only that problem…or just have that problem.
I recently wrote to some other grieving parents about finding ways to peace. I spoke about trying to give purpose to your loss in order to give you hope and peace. I also, as I have often in the past, tried to get others to see what they can be thankful for in the midst of this overwhelming sadness that the loss of a child brings. But what a difficult thing this is…. How do you feel thankful for anything when your heart is broken??? My answer is simple… are you alive? Did you survive to live another day and have more opportunities, more moments to live, love and laugh? If so, then those are moments to celebrate and give thanks.
Romans 5:1-5 (NLT)
1 Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. 2 Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.
3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
I mean isn’t it really a gift, a reason to celebrate that we, as parents who have lost a child or children are still here . I know it is hard to think of it this way but isn’t it a gift to know that we have endured the worst pain ever and still survived… permanently changed but still here. We are stronger for it…despite how many of us feel every day. We have survived what many think would ‘kill’ them. We have made new friends, learned so many new things and travelled roads we never thought we would. Yes it is a world we would have never wished we travelled, it’s a world we’d never wish on anyone. But we are still here and for many of us, we have a closer connection to God and I guess to Heaven. And for that I am thankful.
I love fall and feel so fortunate to live in an area where we can appreciate the fall in its glorious splendor. I love that I am a farm kid and actually enjoy the dust and dirt of the combines, the smell of corn silage in the air and the slow pace that tractors and combines take. I love that my drive to work takes me past bush after bush of trees in all shades and past fields and wagons of pumpkins, gourds and squash.
We are such a blessed people and it is so wonderful to give thanks for that but thanks should not only be given this time of year….and yet it so often is. So often we can only think to say thanks when we are told to…and that isn’t right.
And so often people cannot seem to give thanks for everything in their lives.
1st Thessalonians 5:18 Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
Everything thing we have is a gift from God. EVERYTHING!!! It’s not just the obvious things like health, and happiness. It’s not just the opportunities and abundance. It’s not just the people and relationships. It’s every single thing you have, every morsel of food, every button and lace, every shoe and sock,every smile and laugh, every tear and sorrow…. every moment of everyday. And even when these things don’t seem to be going your way or you aren’t sure of things in your life, you need to be thankful…you need to find things that are good and thank God for those.
Philippians 4:6-7(NIV)
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
It is just that simple…. Give thanks for everything in every situation and don’t worry about anything. I know , I know , who am I kidding. I know it is hard, impossible some days. Life hands us some pretty big challenges sometimes. It hands us little challenges too…it hands us things everyday which are often hard to be thankful for or to see past and find the things that are good. And yet it is essential that we do that, that we work hard to see the good, the peace, the hope. If we don’t, then we are giving up and letting it control us. I always find it interesting when people focus on themselves and how horrible their life is. I am know I am guilty of this at times but thankfully it doesn’t happen for any great length of time. Usually I am just beginning my poor, poor pity me rant when I see a story on the news or on my favourite social media outlet…facebook… about a loss, crisis and tragedy and I realize how good my life is. I wish everyone could operate that way, I wish people could look at those around them before they complain and realize how good their life is and give praise for that. Instead they complain about things that sometimes those who they complain to would give anything to have only that problem…or just have that problem.
I recently wrote to some other grieving parents about finding ways to peace. I spoke about trying to give purpose to your loss in order to give you hope and peace. I also, as I have often in the past, tried to get others to see what they can be thankful for in the midst of this overwhelming sadness that the loss of a child brings. But what a difficult thing this is…. How do you feel thankful for anything when your heart is broken??? My answer is simple… are you alive? Did you survive to live another day and have more opportunities, more moments to live, love and laugh? If so, then those are moments to celebrate and give thanks.
Romans 5:1-5 (NLT)
1 Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. 2 Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.
3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
I mean isn’t it really a gift, a reason to celebrate that we, as parents who have lost a child or children are still here . I know it is hard to think of it this way but isn’t it a gift to know that we have endured the worst pain ever and still survived… permanently changed but still here. We are stronger for it…despite how many of us feel every day. We have survived what many think would ‘kill’ them. We have made new friends, learned so many new things and travelled roads we never thought we would. Yes it is a world we would have never wished we travelled, it’s a world we’d never wish on anyone. But we are still here and for many of us, we have a closer connection to God and I guess to Heaven. And for that I am thankful.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Encouragement... it's what gets us through
“Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you.”William Arthur Ward
Our pastor quoted this a few weeks ago and I’ve been thinking of it and of writing about it since then. Admittedly I had planned to write this, oh about three weeks ago, but life, once again, got in the way. But that might actually makes the timing on this a bit better because I have had so many people encouraging me in so many areas lately, so many praying for me in various ways, and now I can Praise God that some of my prayers have been answered.
Encouragement is an interesting thing…. It can be so easy to do and yet can be done in such a way that it really isn’t encouragement at all. And the results can be just as William Arthur Ward stated above.
I’m sure we can all think of people who are full of flattery but don’t back that up with support. They can tell us how awesome we are but they never give any feedback to our deeds and actions, they never offer support and critiquing…only positive comments. That only gives us a false sense of security and eventually leads us to wonder what this person actually sees in us and our actions. When something doesn’t work out the way you wanted or your efforts backfire it is very hard not to remember the person who didn’t give you any advice but just gushed at all you were doing. You know, when you are planning something let’s say and you ask some people if your ideas sound good, really looking for suggestions and support and what you get is ‘your ideas are so wonderful, you are such a great person for doing this, everything will go great’ etc. So you go into your activity thinking that it’s going to go off without much of a hitch because that is the feedback you’ve been given. When the event doesn’t turn out as planned and you realize you overextended yourself, planned the wrong thing at the wrong time for the wrong crowd etc. you realize that you needed more honest advice, more encouragement, more offers of support and help.
And the same can be said for the opposite type of support. You know those types too…the ones who never support you, who don’t believe in you, tell you they don’t know why you do the things you do, that they’d never do it that way or never do it all. That just makes it really hard to be around that person, makes it hard to really like them because you always feel judged.
And ignoring…well that seems to come in all circles too. How many people have the kind of friends who never seem to engage in conversation, never inquire how you are, never offer to help or support you. You co-exist with them but you never interact despite all your efforts to engage them. How often have you asked for general support for something via email or facebook only to have the same people over and over again not bother to respond or reply. Sometimes all you are asking for is a few words of support, encouragement or even just someone to listen to you and yet this seems to be something that is just too much to ask.
Therefore encourage one another, strengthen and build up one another, just as you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
But encouragement…well that is truly a gift you can give someone. It makes me smile when I think of those that have encouraged me right here on this blog. Those that have thanked for sharing my inner most thoughts and my inner most grief. I feel so warm all over when I think of those people who always reach out to me when I need support, who always help when I ask for it. I think of the encouraging words I had when planning the fundraiser (and no, I still don’t have a grand total for it yet). I was in awe of all of the baking that was donated…Brycen made $300 or more on his bake stand. That is encouragement. People telling me that the cause is so very worthwhile, that is encouragement. People driving distances just to come and say hi…or to meet for the first time…that is encouragement. Random people sending us donations or donating to Zack’s bike a thon (which raised almost $1100)…that is encouragement.
And those that have checked in all summer with me about my job status…always asking if I was moving schools….if I got what I was wanting and praying for… some that never seemed to forget that I was praying for this move. That was encouragement. My new friends at church who praised God with me when the news FINALLY came that the job was mine…that is amazing encouragement. Those that rejoiced with me online when I announced my move…that was encouragement.
Without encouragement we can lead pretty sad existences. As Christians we need to encourage others all of the time. We need to love and support those around us because not only is it the right thing to do but because it will come back to us. When we need support, love, encouragement, we will remember those times when we struggled and we will remember those that encouraged us. That is how we learn, by modeling.
Bear one another's burdens and troublesome moral faults, and in this way fulfill and observe perfectly the law of Christ and complete what is lacking in your obedience to it.
Galatians 6: 2
But our biggest source of encouragement is those of our faith and most especially our Father in Heaven.
Cast your burden on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be moved Psalm 55: 22
Sometimes it is so hard to cast our burdens, to forget that God is holding us in the palm of his hand and that we can give it all up to Him. We are only human, we make mistakes, we forget. It is likely one of the hardest lessons I have had to learn as a Christian…that I must give up my worries and burdens to God.
Be still and rest in the Lord; wait for Him and patiently lean yourself upon Him; fret not yourself because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked devices to pass. Psalm 37: 7
When Cameron was baptized by our friend Theresa, she used this topic in her sermon. She spoke as a mother and as a friend of how hard it is to cast your burdens onto the Lord and to not fret. She knows first hand how hard that is when it comes to your children….she lived it in one of the same places I did…St. Joe’s.
Casting the whole of your care, all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. 1 Peter 5: 7
And I know that all of you know that I do too… for obvious reasons in regards to Cameron and Cole but also for reasons in my marriage, my family and our situation at the moment. I am working very hard to give my burdens to God and to not worry about our financial situation and Geoff’s job. I know God will provide for me as long as I believe He will. If I doubt then the chances of my worries being taken away and the outcome I desire happening are pretty small. I need to feel encouraged by the love of Christ and I need to feel encouraged by those who believe in me, who support me and who will be cheering me on as I take the journey of life.
And all of that encouragement…well that is love. That is what love is all about. It’s unconditional and it causes a cyclical affect. So I guess now I am forced to love you… and I praise God for that!
Our pastor quoted this a few weeks ago and I’ve been thinking of it and of writing about it since then. Admittedly I had planned to write this, oh about three weeks ago, but life, once again, got in the way. But that might actually makes the timing on this a bit better because I have had so many people encouraging me in so many areas lately, so many praying for me in various ways, and now I can Praise God that some of my prayers have been answered.
Encouragement is an interesting thing…. It can be so easy to do and yet can be done in such a way that it really isn’t encouragement at all. And the results can be just as William Arthur Ward stated above.
I’m sure we can all think of people who are full of flattery but don’t back that up with support. They can tell us how awesome we are but they never give any feedback to our deeds and actions, they never offer support and critiquing…only positive comments. That only gives us a false sense of security and eventually leads us to wonder what this person actually sees in us and our actions. When something doesn’t work out the way you wanted or your efforts backfire it is very hard not to remember the person who didn’t give you any advice but just gushed at all you were doing. You know, when you are planning something let’s say and you ask some people if your ideas sound good, really looking for suggestions and support and what you get is ‘your ideas are so wonderful, you are such a great person for doing this, everything will go great’ etc. So you go into your activity thinking that it’s going to go off without much of a hitch because that is the feedback you’ve been given. When the event doesn’t turn out as planned and you realize you overextended yourself, planned the wrong thing at the wrong time for the wrong crowd etc. you realize that you needed more honest advice, more encouragement, more offers of support and help.
And the same can be said for the opposite type of support. You know those types too…the ones who never support you, who don’t believe in you, tell you they don’t know why you do the things you do, that they’d never do it that way or never do it all. That just makes it really hard to be around that person, makes it hard to really like them because you always feel judged.
And ignoring…well that seems to come in all circles too. How many people have the kind of friends who never seem to engage in conversation, never inquire how you are, never offer to help or support you. You co-exist with them but you never interact despite all your efforts to engage them. How often have you asked for general support for something via email or facebook only to have the same people over and over again not bother to respond or reply. Sometimes all you are asking for is a few words of support, encouragement or even just someone to listen to you and yet this seems to be something that is just too much to ask.
Therefore encourage one another, strengthen and build up one another, just as you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
But encouragement…well that is truly a gift you can give someone. It makes me smile when I think of those that have encouraged me right here on this blog. Those that have thanked for sharing my inner most thoughts and my inner most grief. I feel so warm all over when I think of those people who always reach out to me when I need support, who always help when I ask for it. I think of the encouraging words I had when planning the fundraiser (and no, I still don’t have a grand total for it yet). I was in awe of all of the baking that was donated…Brycen made $300 or more on his bake stand. That is encouragement. People telling me that the cause is so very worthwhile, that is encouragement. People driving distances just to come and say hi…or to meet for the first time…that is encouragement. Random people sending us donations or donating to Zack’s bike a thon (which raised almost $1100)…that is encouragement.
And those that have checked in all summer with me about my job status…always asking if I was moving schools….if I got what I was wanting and praying for… some that never seemed to forget that I was praying for this move. That was encouragement. My new friends at church who praised God with me when the news FINALLY came that the job was mine…that is amazing encouragement. Those that rejoiced with me online when I announced my move…that was encouragement.
Without encouragement we can lead pretty sad existences. As Christians we need to encourage others all of the time. We need to love and support those around us because not only is it the right thing to do but because it will come back to us. When we need support, love, encouragement, we will remember those times when we struggled and we will remember those that encouraged us. That is how we learn, by modeling.
Bear one another's burdens and troublesome moral faults, and in this way fulfill and observe perfectly the law of Christ and complete what is lacking in your obedience to it.
Galatians 6: 2
But our biggest source of encouragement is those of our faith and most especially our Father in Heaven.
Cast your burden on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be moved Psalm 55: 22
Sometimes it is so hard to cast our burdens, to forget that God is holding us in the palm of his hand and that we can give it all up to Him. We are only human, we make mistakes, we forget. It is likely one of the hardest lessons I have had to learn as a Christian…that I must give up my worries and burdens to God.
Be still and rest in the Lord; wait for Him and patiently lean yourself upon Him; fret not yourself because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked devices to pass. Psalm 37: 7
When Cameron was baptized by our friend Theresa, she used this topic in her sermon. She spoke as a mother and as a friend of how hard it is to cast your burdens onto the Lord and to not fret. She knows first hand how hard that is when it comes to your children….she lived it in one of the same places I did…St. Joe’s.
Casting the whole of your care, all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. 1 Peter 5: 7
And I know that all of you know that I do too… for obvious reasons in regards to Cameron and Cole but also for reasons in my marriage, my family and our situation at the moment. I am working very hard to give my burdens to God and to not worry about our financial situation and Geoff’s job. I know God will provide for me as long as I believe He will. If I doubt then the chances of my worries being taken away and the outcome I desire happening are pretty small. I need to feel encouraged by the love of Christ and I need to feel encouraged by those who believe in me, who support me and who will be cheering me on as I take the journey of life.
And all of that encouragement…well that is love. That is what love is all about. It’s unconditional and it causes a cyclical affect. So I guess now I am forced to love you… and I praise God for that!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
To everything there is a season
Yesterday our daily breakfast devotion was based on Ecclesiastes 3
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A Time for Everything
1For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.2 A time to be born and a time to die.A time to plant and a time to harvest.3 A time to kill and a time to heal. .A time to tear down and a time to build up.4 A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.5 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.A time to embrace and a time to turn away.6 A time to search and a time to quit searching.A time to keep and a time to throw away.7 A time to tear and a time to mend.A time to be quiet and a time to speak.8 A time to love and a time to hate.A time for war and a time for peace.
9 What do people really get for all their hard work? 10 I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. 11Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. 12 So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can.
It’s been sitting in my head and in my heart all day. I’ve been filled with a sense of contentment and peace in the last few days and at the same time, I’ve been emotional and filled with memories and even sadness about Cole and Cameron and how much, growing up apart, will affect Cameron. I know that my trips down memory lane will happen often but this weekend was more intense and emotional than most given that our fundraiser was all about Cole and Cameron. And given that I finally met, in real life, another TTTS mom and her beautiful survivor. Our stories are similar, our treatment, doctors and medical staff almost the same and our shock at learning one of our babies is gone is identical. It was so wonderful to meet someone who understands the shoes I walk in and understands the post TTTS me unlike anyone else…she lives it too.
And so here I am today contemplating why I can feel so content and so uncontent at the same time. As I pondered this, I kept hearing the Beatles song in my head and realized how true it is. Everything has a season and time…. The good, the bad and the ugly…it all has it’s place and it all happens whether we want it to or not. We can choose to look at it as a burden and be unable to see the whole scope of our lives…as a gift from God, as a journey with Christ. Or we can realize that there are seasons to everything in life, that not all things will go as planned, not all emotions will make sense, not all things will be perfect and happy. We can do this and go with it, embrace it, praise it and be glad in it. For it means, that in surviving it we are strengthened and in being given the tough times we are blessed by God and his love.
So I turn, turn, turn in my season, my time and I lift my hands to the Lord and praise Him for knowing that I am worth these trials and burdens.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A Time for Everything
1For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.2 A time to be born and a time to die.A time to plant and a time to harvest.3 A time to kill and a time to heal. .A time to tear down and a time to build up.4 A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.5 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.A time to embrace and a time to turn away.6 A time to search and a time to quit searching.A time to keep and a time to throw away.7 A time to tear and a time to mend.A time to be quiet and a time to speak.8 A time to love and a time to hate.A time for war and a time for peace.
9 What do people really get for all their hard work? 10 I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. 11Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. 12 So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can.
It’s been sitting in my head and in my heart all day. I’ve been filled with a sense of contentment and peace in the last few days and at the same time, I’ve been emotional and filled with memories and even sadness about Cole and Cameron and how much, growing up apart, will affect Cameron. I know that my trips down memory lane will happen often but this weekend was more intense and emotional than most given that our fundraiser was all about Cole and Cameron. And given that I finally met, in real life, another TTTS mom and her beautiful survivor. Our stories are similar, our treatment, doctors and medical staff almost the same and our shock at learning one of our babies is gone is identical. It was so wonderful to meet someone who understands the shoes I walk in and understands the post TTTS me unlike anyone else…she lives it too.
And so here I am today contemplating why I can feel so content and so uncontent at the same time. As I pondered this, I kept hearing the Beatles song in my head and realized how true it is. Everything has a season and time…. The good, the bad and the ugly…it all has it’s place and it all happens whether we want it to or not. We can choose to look at it as a burden and be unable to see the whole scope of our lives…as a gift from God, as a journey with Christ. Or we can realize that there are seasons to everything in life, that not all things will go as planned, not all emotions will make sense, not all things will be perfect and happy. We can do this and go with it, embrace it, praise it and be glad in it. For it means, that in surviving it we are strengthened and in being given the tough times we are blessed by God and his love.
So I turn, turn, turn in my season, my time and I lift my hands to the Lord and praise Him for knowing that I am worth these trials and burdens.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Where am I???
Where am I?
You might be asking yourself this…that is if anyone actually watches my blog and realized its been, YIKES, 3 months since I posted. I guess life gets in the way and I think that maybe I have had so much to think and talk about that I couldn’t settle on one thing to post about…or just wasn’t ready yet.
For those that know me well, you’ll know that my husband, Geoff has been out of work for a long time. It’s been stressful, for sure but It’s also been good for us as a couple and family. We’ve spent so much time together over the summer and have been working hard at being the family we want to be.
I’d be lying if I said that things have been perfect and most certainly I’d be lying if I said that nothing significant happened to bring us to the place where we decided we needed to work a lot harder on this family. The fact is we were in a very bad place and our future togetherwas very unknown, dark and scary. But then a light began to shine in us, most especially in Geoff. God found him when he needed Him most. Notice I said God found him not he found God. Many would disagree with me here but for someone who has never had any relationship with Christ I think, at times , that is the way it feels. I know because I feel this way too and I’ve had a relationship with the Lord for years. I’ve always been a believer but I’m not sure what I believed in…still am not always sure but my focus is much more intense now. When you hit rock bottom and there is no where else to go but up and this hand comes out from above to help lift you out of the pits, out of temptation, sin and negativity, you have to wonder whether its you finding God or God finding you. I know He’s always been there for me and I often turned to Him in times of struggle. But I never turned to Him in times of joy, peace , contentment and hope. God isn’t just there for me for the hard times, He is there for me all the time! He always was but I needed that push, that kick, that encouragement to really truly feel Him.
I’m going to be writing a lot in the next little while. Much of it will about my exploration into faith , the bible and my relationships. I have so much to say, so much to share…so much to give praise for!
Right now, though, I want to give praise for the many , many people who came out to support us in our second annual fundraiser for Mt. Sinai and for the wonderful gift it was to finally meet another TTTS mom in person. I am in awe of the generosity of the many people who supported us. I’ll give numbers and updates on the bottom of the next few posts but I just want to say a big Thanks to everyone!
So I guess to answer my own question…where am I? In a great place , held up in times of crisis, sorrow and strife by Jesus Christ, rejoicing at the amazing life God has given me!
You might be asking yourself this…that is if anyone actually watches my blog and realized its been, YIKES, 3 months since I posted. I guess life gets in the way and I think that maybe I have had so much to think and talk about that I couldn’t settle on one thing to post about…or just wasn’t ready yet.
For those that know me well, you’ll know that my husband, Geoff has been out of work for a long time. It’s been stressful, for sure but It’s also been good for us as a couple and family. We’ve spent so much time together over the summer and have been working hard at being the family we want to be.
I’d be lying if I said that things have been perfect and most certainly I’d be lying if I said that nothing significant happened to bring us to the place where we decided we needed to work a lot harder on this family. The fact is we were in a very bad place and our future togetherwas very unknown, dark and scary. But then a light began to shine in us, most especially in Geoff. God found him when he needed Him most. Notice I said God found him not he found God. Many would disagree with me here but for someone who has never had any relationship with Christ I think, at times , that is the way it feels. I know because I feel this way too and I’ve had a relationship with the Lord for years. I’ve always been a believer but I’m not sure what I believed in…still am not always sure but my focus is much more intense now. When you hit rock bottom and there is no where else to go but up and this hand comes out from above to help lift you out of the pits, out of temptation, sin and negativity, you have to wonder whether its you finding God or God finding you. I know He’s always been there for me and I often turned to Him in times of struggle. But I never turned to Him in times of joy, peace , contentment and hope. God isn’t just there for me for the hard times, He is there for me all the time! He always was but I needed that push, that kick, that encouragement to really truly feel Him.
I’m going to be writing a lot in the next little while. Much of it will about my exploration into faith , the bible and my relationships. I have so much to say, so much to share…so much to give praise for!
Right now, though, I want to give praise for the many , many people who came out to support us in our second annual fundraiser for Mt. Sinai and for the wonderful gift it was to finally meet another TTTS mom in person. I am in awe of the generosity of the many people who supported us. I’ll give numbers and updates on the bottom of the next few posts but I just want to say a big Thanks to everyone!
So I guess to answer my own question…where am I? In a great place , held up in times of crisis, sorrow and strife by Jesus Christ, rejoicing at the amazing life God has given me!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
A final homecoming...and what I've learned from it
As most of you know, I have a great many online friends who have gone through or are going through the struggles of TTTS. I met a new friend this past winter as she struggled to make decisions and choices. Like Cole, one of her little girls had a velementous cord insertion and a poor placental share. She hoped she would be a candidate for surgery though she was very scared of what that meant. She did have the surgery and like us, learned the next day that one of her sweet babes had gone to be with Jesus. She never referred to her as an angel though she did often say that she knew she was watching over her sister. Like me, she believed that her heavenly baby had lived just long enough to ensure that her sister survived.
Fast forward the story about 8-10 weeks when my friend’s water broke and she was hospitalized and began the regiment that all who have a premature rupture of their membranes go through…steroid shots for the lungs and antibiotics to prevent infection. All seemed well and it seemed that her little survivor would remain in utero, like Cameron, for many weeks to come. But then about 7 days or so after her water broke her little survivor arrived…at 28 weeks gestation.
She seemed to be doing well initially but then began to struggle so she was transferred to another larger hospital. She continued to struggle to clear the carbon dioxide from her body but everything else with her seemed to be going well. After a few procedures and surgeries on both her heart and her trachea it seemed that this little survivor’s battles were behind her.
And then last week we got a message from her mom that she was very sick with an infection and they had been called in to the hospital to be with her…. I assumed, just to give her comfort. I was shocked to learn the next day that her sweet little survivor’s journey was over. She’d gone to be with Jesus. I admit…I sobbed so hard I had to sit for a long time to get it all together. And I still feel that way at times. Their story is so similar to ours…and could so easily have been our outcome if Cameron had been born when my water broke at 26 weeks.
I went to her blog yesterday and read this….
We thought our homecoming would be a wonderful ending to a long a difficult road, but it would just have been continuing the race that is life on this earth for our girl. Instead, she's already won the race and received the prize. B's homecoming was the final homecoming - the one where she gets to live in the mansions and walk on streets of gold and worship at the throne of God and see him face to face.
I cried harder and marveled at her strength. I didn’t think I could ever be that strong. Later that day I read this posting from her too…
The temptation during a time like this is to ask why? Why did this happen? Why did God do this? Why me? The fact is, this is life on this imperfect earth. Many people before us have gone through similar tragedies and worse, and many people after us will go through them. The better question is why not me?
This is where the rubber of our faith meets the road of life. Sure, it is unbelievably painful. We feel weak. We are beside ourselves. We are undone. How could she have pulled through heart surgery only to be taken by a fluke infection? There are many questions. But these things did not surprise our God. He is, and always has been, in control of this situation. He is good, he loves us, and he has not abandoned us. If we are to have free will, we have to live with sin and death and suffering on this earth - but only for a while. A day will come when "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain."We are anxious for that day to come soon.
This time I cried with tears of joy and inspiration. I wrote to her and told her that I was inspired by her to strengthen my relationship with Christ so that I, too, could feel so at peace about the trials of life and of death itself.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be at this level of peace and confidence…I can only hope. I know that I can’t wait to go to Heaven to see Cole…and all the others who have been so blessed to go before me. I know that I will always have sad moments when it comes to the loss of loved ones but my friend has truly planted a seed in me.
Sweet Baby B…thank you so much for blessing your family for your 6 short weeks here with your Mommy and Daddy and brothers and for the joyful (and I know stressful too) 28 weeks inside your mommy's womb with your dear sweet sister, Baby F. Thank you for bringing such strength and hope to many. Thank you for teaching me some valuable lessons. I am so glad you were able to hold your mommy’s hand as you left this world…not to get comfort and strength from her but rather to give comfort and strength to her. Much love little one, say hello to Cole for me…I’m sure he met you at the gates with open arms and will show you all the coolest places that he has found.
Fast forward the story about 8-10 weeks when my friend’s water broke and she was hospitalized and began the regiment that all who have a premature rupture of their membranes go through…steroid shots for the lungs and antibiotics to prevent infection. All seemed well and it seemed that her little survivor would remain in utero, like Cameron, for many weeks to come. But then about 7 days or so after her water broke her little survivor arrived…at 28 weeks gestation.
She seemed to be doing well initially but then began to struggle so she was transferred to another larger hospital. She continued to struggle to clear the carbon dioxide from her body but everything else with her seemed to be going well. After a few procedures and surgeries on both her heart and her trachea it seemed that this little survivor’s battles were behind her.
And then last week we got a message from her mom that she was very sick with an infection and they had been called in to the hospital to be with her…. I assumed, just to give her comfort. I was shocked to learn the next day that her sweet little survivor’s journey was over. She’d gone to be with Jesus. I admit…I sobbed so hard I had to sit for a long time to get it all together. And I still feel that way at times. Their story is so similar to ours…and could so easily have been our outcome if Cameron had been born when my water broke at 26 weeks.
I went to her blog yesterday and read this….
We thought our homecoming would be a wonderful ending to a long a difficult road, but it would just have been continuing the race that is life on this earth for our girl. Instead, she's already won the race and received the prize. B's homecoming was the final homecoming - the one where she gets to live in the mansions and walk on streets of gold and worship at the throne of God and see him face to face.
I cried harder and marveled at her strength. I didn’t think I could ever be that strong. Later that day I read this posting from her too…
The temptation during a time like this is to ask why? Why did this happen? Why did God do this? Why me? The fact is, this is life on this imperfect earth. Many people before us have gone through similar tragedies and worse, and many people after us will go through them. The better question is why not me?
This is where the rubber of our faith meets the road of life. Sure, it is unbelievably painful. We feel weak. We are beside ourselves. We are undone. How could she have pulled through heart surgery only to be taken by a fluke infection? There are many questions. But these things did not surprise our God. He is, and always has been, in control of this situation. He is good, he loves us, and he has not abandoned us. If we are to have free will, we have to live with sin and death and suffering on this earth - but only for a while. A day will come when "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain."We are anxious for that day to come soon.
This time I cried with tears of joy and inspiration. I wrote to her and told her that I was inspired by her to strengthen my relationship with Christ so that I, too, could feel so at peace about the trials of life and of death itself.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be at this level of peace and confidence…I can only hope. I know that I can’t wait to go to Heaven to see Cole…and all the others who have been so blessed to go before me. I know that I will always have sad moments when it comes to the loss of loved ones but my friend has truly planted a seed in me.
Sweet Baby B…thank you so much for blessing your family for your 6 short weeks here with your Mommy and Daddy and brothers and for the joyful (and I know stressful too) 28 weeks inside your mommy's womb with your dear sweet sister, Baby F. Thank you for bringing such strength and hope to many. Thank you for teaching me some valuable lessons. I am so glad you were able to hold your mommy’s hand as you left this world…not to get comfort and strength from her but rather to give comfort and strength to her. Much love little one, say hello to Cole for me…I’m sure he met you at the gates with open arms and will show you all the coolest places that he has found.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Contentment
Another long time between postings...I know. There's been a lot going on around me lately and sometimes I desperately want to write about it and ask for the support of my friends who read this and other times I just can't bring myself to share it with the world. It's amazing how public our lives can be...amazing how okay we are with some of that and not okay with others. This much I will say, my family could use your prayers right now as we struggle to find our way right now. Many tough things have been happening but also many wonderful things too and I think that maybe the most wonderful thing that has happened yet is beginning and will continue to happen. We've been asking God for a lot of guidance, support and love lately and opening ourselves up, together, for this and I think we are feeling and seeing the amazing way He can touch people first hand.
Last night I was reading one of my Amish Christian fiction novels..A Stranger's Wish by Gayle Roper. I was struck by something the authorwrote and felt so compelled to share it with everyone and to reflect upon it. It was about contentment....true contentment and about what we deserve...and what the reality is or how we cope with that.
Learning contentment is often coming to the realization that some circumstances are changeable and some aren't. Contentment is partially found in learning to tell the difference.
We must ask ourselves this: Can I choose to change my circumstances or are they beyond my ability to change? If I am unhappy with my car, I may be able to buy a new one. I can choose to change my situation. If I am unhappy with my children, I can't trade them in. I cannot deny the genetic strands hidden in their bodies.
I realize these are extreme examples, but the principle holds: Some situations are changeable; some are not.
"But I deserve better," you say.I deserve a better home/house, decent neighbours, a church that feeds me, to be understood. When what you have and what you deserve aren't a match, your response to this less-than-perfect situation is your choice. You can be hurt and bitter. You can withdraw. You can become sharp of tongue and manner. Or you can give up the need to get what you deserve.
I just really found that this begged me to read and reread it. So many areas of so many peoples lives seem to be filled with a lack of contentment and a desire to have that they feel they deserve. The obvious examples are those materialistic things we seem to want even if the budget isn't there or the need really doesn't exist. I know I've justified purchases with the the thoughts or words 'think how much happier we'll be or how easier it will make things.
But that's not really what spoke to me here...and not really what the author was truly talking about though I'm very certain it does tie in. That kind if contentment requires change if financial status and if you believe many business motivational speakers, we all have the ability to become financially content. But do we deserve it... do the judgements of others make us more content than the judgements of a good and loving God???
And what about the ability to change your circumstance to increase your contentment. How many people do you know that believe they can change someone... mostly a partner or sometimes a child or friend. It is so hard to learn that we can change ourselves to increase our contentment but we can't change others. No matter how hard we try, no matter how much we want change...it's up to us. And sometimes it just can't be changed... sometimes it is beyond our control.
I think this could be said for anyone who has gone through a personal crisis, a loss, a tragedy. You want to change your circumstances, you want to erase what has happened and start over, you wish you had that choice. But the reality is that you much of what happens to us everyday day is beyone our ability to change. What is not, should it make us unhappy, is up to us to change...not others, not the money fairy, not your neighbours, your church, your family...it's up to you.
And what can't be changed..what then. How do you cope with the reality that this is your life, this is the way it's meant to be? When it is beyond your ability to change it then what do you do. So many people get bitter and angry. They tell everyone how unjust things are. They ask why this had to happen and they blame God. They are unable to forgive those that they feel wronged them or caused this to
happen...unable to forgive those who can't change. Or they disappear...they go inside themselves and shut themselves off. And many times it seems to be so much easier to complain, to be negative and to be cynical rather than to accept that this is your life, this is what will make you content in time and this is the life God meant for you.
True happiness and contentment is in our control if we can only realize that our acceptance of the things we can't change is really all that keeps us from it. Life is not about what you have, who you know, where you've been or where you go here on earth. Its about the journey you take along the way and your responses to the good, the bad, the things that are given to you and the the things that are taken away.
May God grant us the serenity to accept the things we can not change, the courage to change the things we can and the wisdom to know the difference so that true contentment is something we all will know.
Last night I was reading one of my Amish Christian fiction novels..A Stranger's Wish by Gayle Roper. I was struck by something the authorwrote and felt so compelled to share it with everyone and to reflect upon it. It was about contentment....true contentment and about what we deserve...and what the reality is or how we cope with that.
Learning contentment is often coming to the realization that some circumstances are changeable and some aren't. Contentment is partially found in learning to tell the difference.
We must ask ourselves this: Can I choose to change my circumstances or are they beyond my ability to change? If I am unhappy with my car, I may be able to buy a new one. I can choose to change my situation. If I am unhappy with my children, I can't trade them in. I cannot deny the genetic strands hidden in their bodies.
I realize these are extreme examples, but the principle holds: Some situations are changeable; some are not.
"But I deserve better," you say.I deserve a better home/house, decent neighbours, a church that feeds me, to be understood. When what you have and what you deserve aren't a match, your response to this less-than-perfect situation is your choice. You can be hurt and bitter. You can withdraw. You can become sharp of tongue and manner. Or you can give up the need to get what you deserve.
I just really found that this begged me to read and reread it. So many areas of so many peoples lives seem to be filled with a lack of contentment and a desire to have that they feel they deserve. The obvious examples are those materialistic things we seem to want even if the budget isn't there or the need really doesn't exist. I know I've justified purchases with the the thoughts or words 'think how much happier we'll be or how easier it will make things.
But that's not really what spoke to me here...and not really what the author was truly talking about though I'm very certain it does tie in. That kind if contentment requires change if financial status and if you believe many business motivational speakers, we all have the ability to become financially content. But do we deserve it... do the judgements of others make us more content than the judgements of a good and loving God???
And what about the ability to change your circumstance to increase your contentment. How many people do you know that believe they can change someone... mostly a partner or sometimes a child or friend. It is so hard to learn that we can change ourselves to increase our contentment but we can't change others. No matter how hard we try, no matter how much we want change...it's up to us. And sometimes it just can't be changed... sometimes it is beyond our control.
I think this could be said for anyone who has gone through a personal crisis, a loss, a tragedy. You want to change your circumstances, you want to erase what has happened and start over, you wish you had that choice. But the reality is that you much of what happens to us everyday day is beyone our ability to change. What is not, should it make us unhappy, is up to us to change...not others, not the money fairy, not your neighbours, your church, your family...it's up to you.
And what can't be changed..what then. How do you cope with the reality that this is your life, this is the way it's meant to be? When it is beyond your ability to change it then what do you do. So many people get bitter and angry. They tell everyone how unjust things are. They ask why this had to happen and they blame God. They are unable to forgive those that they feel wronged them or caused this to
happen...unable to forgive those who can't change. Or they disappear...they go inside themselves and shut themselves off. And many times it seems to be so much easier to complain, to be negative and to be cynical rather than to accept that this is your life, this is what will make you content in time and this is the life God meant for you.
True happiness and contentment is in our control if we can only realize that our acceptance of the things we can't change is really all that keeps us from it. Life is not about what you have, who you know, where you've been or where you go here on earth. Its about the journey you take along the way and your responses to the good, the bad, the things that are given to you and the the things that are taken away.
May God grant us the serenity to accept the things we can not change, the courage to change the things we can and the wisdom to know the difference so that true contentment is something we all will know.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)