Resisting the Negative Thoughts

For over a week I've been feeling the urge to get back to writing, to use writing as an outlet for the emotions this pandemic has brought to my life.  And for much longer than that I've had ideas brewing in my head for some pretty deep and meaningful (I hope) posts.  But then life.  It just seems to get in the way and things since to keep distracting me.  My new normal of being at home with the kids but still working and on home assignment (still working out what that will look like....for now it's reading lots of emails and staying in contact with my students/their parents via social media, texting etc) and trying to get them to do some school work, some practical skills (cook and bake, clean and organize) all while daily the rules, the restrictions, the recommendations and, sadly, the number of cases and deaths changes and I feel like the news channel is a magnet that keeps me stuck in front of the tv, lead my mind to challenging places and my fears to rule my heart.  

But today my friend Jennie posted this on facebook and it's helping to ground me....in Him.

Me: Okay, God, here's the thing. I'm scared. I'm trying not to be, but I am.

God: I know. Want to talk about it?

Me: Do we need to? I mean, you already know.

God: Let's talk about it anyway... We've done this before.

Me: I know, I just feel like I should be bigger or stronger of something by now.

God: *waiting patiently, unhurried, undistracted, never annoyed.

Me: Okay. So, I'm afraid I'll do everything I can to protect my family and it won't be enough. I'm afraid of someone I love dying. I'm afraid the world won't go back to what it was before. I'm afraid my life is always going to feel a little bit unsettled.

God: Anything else?

Me: EVERYTHING ELSE.

God: Remember how your son woke up the other night and came running down the hall to your bedroom?

Me: Yes.

God: You were still awake, so when you heard him running, you started calling out to him before he even got to you... remember? Do you remember what you called out to him?

Me: I said, "You're okay! You're okay! You're okay! I'm here."

God: Why did you call to him? Why didn't you just wait for him to get to your room?

Me: Because I wanted him to know that I was awake, and I heard him, and he didn't have to be afraid until he reached the end of the dark hallway.

God: Exactly. I hear you, my child. I hear your thoughts racing like feet down the dark hallway. There's an other side to all of this. I'm there already. I've seen the end of it. And I want you to know right here as you walk through it all, you're okay. I haven't gone to sleep, and I won't.

Me: *crying. Can we sit together awhile? Can we just sit here a minute before I go back to facing it all?

God: There's nothing I'd love more.

I don't have to be brave, certain or confident in this, I just need to rest in Him, to lean into His protective arms and feel assured that's I'm ok, that our world is ok, that God's got this.  I may not be able to see that right now but He can. 

And as I think about that I remember this devotion I shared last week. Max Lucado is a wise man with a great sense of what the world needs to hear at times like this.  While he didn't write this in our current times, it certainly does apply.  I was quite drawn to the discussion on Philippians 4:6-8

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

That's something I definitely wasn't doing enough, bringing my requests to God, and especially not with Thanksgiving.  Sometimes that's pretty hard.  But breaking down this scripture and find ways to celebrate things in my life definitely is changing my mindset. And so like the woman Max Lucado shared with his readers, I decided to break things down....

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true…” What is true in my life at this particular moment? The blessing of all my family spending time together at an age where my boys have begun to resist family time. 

“Whatever is noble.” The blessing that seeing the compasssion and concern my children are showing for those most vulnerable to this disease is.  

“Whatever is right.” The blessing of seeing the world stepping up to support those most vulnerable and at risk to the virus...the elderly, the compromised and the marginalized....perhaps especially the marginalized.  I've seen so many amazing posts about donations and assistance for low income families and for homeless individuals.  

“Whatever is pure.” The blessing of  hearing the pure innocent laughter of my middle son as he watched the waves of Lake Huron crash into the pier on our 'homeschool field trip'.  This child guards his emotions and pushes out a tough kid attitude so often, he tries so hard to hide his true heart and his 'inner child' so often.  This laughter was such a pure moment!!!!

“Whatever is lovely.” The blessing of the love so many are showing each other in these times.  The messages I get almost daily from friends checking in on me, the love I feel for the people who care so deeply for others. 

“Whatever is admirable.” The blessing of a caring and compassionate leader, the strength I see our Prime Minister and the decisions our government has made to help support our country in this crisis is very admirable.  

“If anything is excellent.” The blessing of watching my children work together to make cookies to bless others with.  

“Or praiseworthy.” The blessing of worshiping a God, a Father, who is there, always, for his children, who forgives them time and time again and welcomes them into His rest.  

“Think about such things.”

As Max pointed out, there are a great many things we don't have control over....and nothing is so clear to us then when we are going through a crisis such as this.  But what we do have control over is our mindset, our thoughts.  

Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life. — Proverbs 4:23 

If you want to be stuck in perpetual worry, in fear, in uncertainty, then let your thoughts wonder to all the confusion, chaos, fear and anxiety the world has to offer right now.  Dwell on the people who aren't helping the situation, stew about all the things you can't do right now and all that you don't have.  If you 'want to be happy tomorrow? Then sow seeds of happiness today.' Look at the blessings you do have, enjoy the time with the people you are with in your home, encourage others, walk outside and see the beauty of God's creations.  

Allowing the darkness of the unknown to come into our hearts will begin to extinguish our inner light. It will bring us to a place of sadness and frustration and it will tear us down.  Let the light in.  Let your thoughts be positive, your energy be uplifting.  Be a beacon of hope for yourself and those around you.  

Don't choose anxiety, fear and darkness.  Choose trust, hope and light.