Only You can Decide....

I recently saw this quote on facebook and it's really made me think.

It can be applied to so many situations in your life but it speaks volumes to me when it comes to the loss of a loved one or a crisis in your life where a loved one's life is permanently altered.  When I think about our own situation, the diagnosis of TTTS and the outcome of all that it brought, I can remember how unfair it seemed.  Wrapping my head around having twins when we weren't even planning to have one more baby took months and then in less than two days it was ripped from me.  I was devastated. I was angry.  I was so frustrated at not being able to sort out my emotions and yes, for many, many months I was bitter.  Why did one family get to keep their twins and raise them together when mine were permanently separated by heaven and earth?  And how the hell was I supposed to get through it.
I don't actually know how I put myself on a path to get through it, don't actually really remember making a conscious decision to do it.  I know now that it was a path God guided me to and I do remember clearly feeling right from the start that I needed to make this loss mean more than heartbreak, that I needed Cole's life to be more than just a life cut short.  But I know it was such a struggle.  I didn't want the cards I had been dealt, this wasn't what was supposed to be my life.
And I know that this is what is felt by many people who have lost a loved one, especially a child.  It's what is felt by someone dealing with a child's terminal illness diagnosis.  It's what goes through the mind of someone diagnosed with cancer.  It is how someone who has gone through downsizing at a job they love feels.  The list could go on and on.
The fact is that we don't get to decide what cards we are dealt.  We can't switch hands for the spare hand like in some card games.  We get what we get and as I said back in December in this post, we are who we are today because we've been where we've been.
What we can decide is how to play the hand we've been dealt.  And at the start of a trial, of a crisis, of an unplanned life journey, it's very hard not to be bitter.  It's hard not to feel frustrated that your plans have been interrupted.  It's almost  impossible not to feel angry at some point or another.  And, in all honesty, it's pretty hard not to have moments of bitterness.
But only you can decide if you will be bitter or if you will be better because of the hand you were dealt.  You can decide, willingly decide, to live in that place of regret, of sadness, of frustration or bitterness.  Or you can take the hand you were dealt and 'play the hell' of it.  Take that crisis and all that you've learned from it and turn it into something amazing.  Turn it into a learning experience for yourself and for others.  Take what you've learned and help others to learn from it too.
This I also see in groups I belong to, in the faces of friends around me who've definitely been dealt cards that seemed impossible to play.  I see people who've become a rock of support for others because they understand how hard this journey is.  I see people who've decided to be the voice of change, the catalyst for change to happen by learning everything they can, by expressing what they've learned to others so they can play their own cards so much easier.

The only key that is missing from this quote....

DECIDE. You are the only one in charge of your destiny. Unfair things may happen to you, unfortunate times may come to you but you ALWAYS get to choose how you respond. You can live in frustration or bitterness, or you can be the bigger person and just play the hell out of the cards you are dealt. Because the truth is in this world, not a single person chooses the cards they receive, but every single person chooses how to play them 

is that, for me anyway, God must be a part of it all. I had to let go of thoughts of why things happened, why God allowed it to happen, what I was supposed to learn from it...the whole 'everything happens for a reason' idea and just accept that things happen and God is there to guide me to the next place, God is there to help me pick up the pieces of my life, to pick up the cards I was dealt and to help me to know which card to lay next.  I know I don't always ask Him when I should and that I try to play my cards without listening to His voice, but I also know that I can choose to give to Him for guidance and trust that He will provide, guide and help me decide or I can choose to play my cards alone and live for me.  

All of it is my choice and I choose to play this game of life with joy, love and hope present every day.