Note - I wrote this at the end of 2019 and somehow it never posted. I came on today to write a new post and it was there...in full draft form! Oh well! Best of intentions! I did back date the post so I appears I published it on time!
So it's the end of 2019. It was a pretty good year. It had lots of ups including our first family vacation (that actually started at the end of 2018 and had us away for New Years) and a few downs including watching some family members cope with unexpected loss and watching my own in laws come to another stage in their lives and, eventually, live apart for the first time in 65+ years. I came across this article the other day and decided I would like to reflect on 2019 more than focus on goals for 2020. It's not that I don't want to focus on the future but I think you can't go forward if you don't remember where you've been and what you've learned there then going forward is going to be a very slow process.
1. What makes this year unforgettable?
In 2019 we took our first family vacation and I got to see the world through my kids eyes in a way that I never had. Their amazement at places like The Grand Canyons (even though it was all covered in snow) and cacti was really awesome!
2. What did you enjoy doing this year?
Getting back to daily workouts and feeling the energy that comes with hard earned sweat was likely the thing I enjoyed the most this year. It became something I craved. So much so that even while on vacation in the summer I got up early to go for walks and on the only night I came home mid vacation I set my alarm to get up to work out!
3. What/who is the one thing/person you’re grateful for?
Not a who but a group of who's...whom???? My family. Without them I would have no idea what my purpose is. While I realize that life can change in a heartbeat and anything could happen to 'my purpose', but I know that my family is my greatest mission field and my greatest purpose in life right now.
4. What’s your biggest win this year?
Without getting into to detail, late this year I finally came to place where I could draw a line in the sand on some areas of my life that I wasn't willing to compromise on and to another person I was able to voice that their lack of communication was very hurtful and threatened to destroy relationships. While I don't know if my courage to voice these things would spark change, I do know that a weight lifted from my shoulders and the burden of keeping it inside for years was gone.
5. What did you read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?
I finally watched The Shack and then reread the book. So much of what I believe about God was expressed in that book and movie. It was wonderful to feel like a famous movie/book 'got me'! Now if only I could get to blogging through the study guide I bought! Maybe a goal for 2020!
6. What did you worry about most and how did it turn out?
My in laws, their health, where they would need to live...all definitely things that consumed the worry spaces of my brain. We, as a family, were definitely working as a team, which was so awesome to see, and we learned that there was much to learn about the affects of health on aging, that things aren't always as they seemed, that the best laid plans would sometimes go astray. In the end we learned that the thing that worried us the most concerning long term care planning was something that wasn't even on the radar, and that being forced to live apart would actually be the best thing for both of them.
7. What was your biggest regret and why?
My biggest regret of 2019....not trusting myself enough, not loving myself as God made me enough, not trusting God enough. I need to call on Him more, ask him for wisdom, for confidence, for self love more. I am vowing to lean on Him more in 2020 and to see my heart more and celebrate my successes, not criticize my failures.
8. What’s one thing that changed about yourself?
I don't feel like I changed much, feel like there's so much more to do but I think I can at least feel like I began to change my habit of sitting back and not speaking up to some important people in my life about things they do that hurt me and those I love the most.
9. What surprised you the most this year?
I was going to write about something that was a disappointing surprise that relates to point 8 and 4 but I don't want to focus on the negative, on the disappointments. Instead I want to focus on a surprise that happened on the very day I last posted on the blog...on Cole's heavenly birthday. That day we went to Mt Sinai as we always do. Not only was I surprised with a beautiful card and touching gift but I was also shocked to learn that Dr. Ryan had actually said he could not fit a cheque presentation into his day on Dec. 13th, on his clinic day and asked for it to be rescheduled. When his assistant told him who the cheque presentation was with and why it needed to be that day he immediately changed his plans to fit us in. Surprising and very touching. I felt so valued and so touched.
10. If you could go back to last January 1, what suggestions would you give your past self?
Let go and let God. Just let Him breath into your life Jodie. Let Him fill you with the confidence and self love that you lack. Let Him guide you instead of you trying to figure it out. Trust Him!
And now off to 2020 I go. As am typing this I am listening to KLOVE online and hearing the song Confidence. May this be my mantra for 2020!
Give me faith like Daniel in the lion's den
Give me hope like Moses in the wilderness
Give me a heart like David, Lord be my defense
So I can face my giants with confidence
I'll face my giants with confidence
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