Gifts for Christmas Mourning – Love

Before loss I thought I understood what  gift love is, especially the love for a child, for your child.  Before life was fragile,  before I personally experienced how fragile life was I believed I understood what it was to love someone so much it hurts.

And then I was presented with a threat to my unborn children and the intense feelings I had for these babies was beyond anything I’d ever experienced.

We always know we’d do anything for our kids but when presented with the reality the feelings you have are beyond anything you’ve ever experienced.  I will never look at any one of my kids the same way again.  I will never look at the signs of the intensity any parent feels for their child the same way again. 

When it hurts the most I try to remember the only thing my baby knew of this life was true and unconditional love and that’s a beautiful thing.

And I think this is the greatest gift about love that I know, that I have been given.  Cole knew only my love, my unconditional love.  He felt my intense protectiveness, my fear for his life.  He heard my prayers for his life to be spared.  He never experienced anything but love and that is the most beautiful gift ever.