I had, initially, intended, on writing about our words and how we can use them effectively sometimes and ineffectively so much more often. And I have lots to 'say' on that subject, I think I might be an expert on the later part of that theme!!!
But I have had a few more moments with God's messages to me lately...well actually it's the same message but He just keeps reminding me so I guess maybe I oughta listen!
So this message goes back to my last post and how, when up at Camp Kahquah and also when doing the women's ministry study, 'Captivating', we were asked to pray and ask God to show us how he sees our beauty, what makes us beautiful, precious, special etc. in his eyes and to ask him what his message to us is. The first time we spoke about this subject was at the women's ministry breakfast back in early April and we one of the examples that was given by the women in the video we watched was hearing God's message of how he sees us through music... both worship and secular examples were given. A few days later my friend Miriam posted a few lines of a popular song, the words were obviously what a man was singing to the love of his life and spoke of his adoration for her and how he felt about her beauty and even her body. I joked with her at first but then realized that these words could so much be what the Lord thinks of the beautiful women he has created. It got me to thinking about what God must think of me, what he must find beautiful about me and what he sees as my best qualities. And so I prayed and spoke to God often over the next few days, hoping he would show me, tell me...something, anything. And as hard as I listened, nothing seemed to be there.
Dejected, I stopped thinking about it, stopped playing worship music looking for messages and kind of gave up on the idea that I would ever hear a message from God about my beauty. One day, on the way to work, after listening to my bible app read to me, specifically all the amazing acts of encouragement that Elijah committed in 1 Kings, I turned on the radio...which is rare for me to do as I most often just listen to worship music. The song, I Won't Let Go, by Rascal Flatts was playing right at this point in the song....
I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let go
ANd I thought, hmmmmm, that's interesting that I would just hear about Elijah and then hear that song. I didn't think about it too much until I got home and again was sort of thinking of this theme from Captivating of searching for what God's message to me is and turned on the home radio and heard this....
It hurts my heart
To see you cry
I know it’s dark
This part of life
Oh, it finds us all
But we’re too small
To stop the rain
Oh, but when it rains
I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let you fall
And realized that I was hearing His voice after all...thanks God. Now some may read that song in various ways. And I have blogged about that song before and how I was so grateful to those who held me up when I needed it most. I also wrote about how I realized that song was how I viewed God's loving embrace of me when I needed him most. But this time it was so much different of a message...it was a message to me about what I do for others, that was very clear in the context of my days at that time and who I had connected with online and what I had done. And so I thought, 'ok, God, I get it. You see me as a someone who gives that support, who is meant to give that support, to others. And, of no surprise to me, I have heard that song many times over the last few months on days when I've been bogged down with the support I give online. I get it, God, I get it!
But still I had yet to get a message about my beauty, of how God finds me beautiful and lovely, of how he sees me.
And so I began to think about that as I ran, as I concentrated on the beauty around me one morning in May I began, again, to ask God, just what was lovely about me, how was my beauty shown, what was beautiful about me.
And I got...nothing...I know it's not always that easy but really... I was getting abit, well, discouraged.
The next run I went on was on the trail in a town a few minutes from our house. The trail goes out in farm land, across fields, through bush areas. And as I ran and pondered this beauty question, I saw this lovely bird
It's a goldfinch and I have always been fascinated with them. I am not sure if they have always been present in the area I live in but I remember when I first saw one. I was likely 8-10 and I remember asking my mom about them...I think I thought it was a caged bird on a jailbreak! She told me it was called a 'wild canary' or a goldfinch. I have always had a love for these lovely creatures and that day, when I was running, was no different. I remember this line coming into my head as I saw the bird..'what a diamond in the rough that bird is. It's just an ordinary bird, there is nothing special about it really and yet it is extraordinary in the beauty is shows sometimes. It just shows how you can be ordinary and extraordinary all at the same time'
And on I ran. And then I began to talk to God again about this beauty message thing. And I said, right out loud,'ok God, just give me a sign of how you see my beauty...what does it look like to you, what do I look like to you?'. And then a whole little group of goldfinches swooped down and around me and then this song came on....
You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song
And I will sing again
And I thought 'ok, I get it..I think' but to be honest, I wasn't sure. I mean this is all pretty new to me and hard to really grasp and absorb. That God would speak to me through various means is just hard to believe. I mean why would he want to to speak to little ol me, what could I possibly mean to him. But that day I saw one or more goldfinches seven different times in the 30 minutes I was out running.
And just in case I didn't get it, I saw 3 more that day on my way to and home from work with the same song as above playing and this song too...came on right at this point in the song.....
Lovely, there is none more lovely
In all the universe, there is no one lovelier
Worthy, there is none more worthy
I try to find the words, there's so much more Your worthy of
And since that day I have seen more of these lovely birds then I've ever seen and almost every time they show up I am either feeling down and questioning what God could possibly find beautiful about me etc. I see this lovely bird.
Voices... sometimes we just need to be quiet to hear them....
No comments:
Post a Comment