Today started out kind of like the weather...miserable, cold, achey and grey. I was tired and grumpy and full of negativity. Moments like these seem to make everything, everyone seem to be against me...and I hate it. I hate jealousy and wishful thinking...I hate wanting the things I don't have and I hate wishing I was somoeone else. It always seems in moments like this that I feel the ache of losing Cole over and over...I relive it, I often tear up....I just go backwards so far.
So as I am driving along on my way to work, feeling down and sorry for myself this song plays on the radio and I almost stopped the car. I have heard it before, even thought about sharing it here but today it just hit me...it was just what I needed to hear....
The Breath You Take"
He looks up from second base, dad's up in the stands
He saw the hit, the run, the slide, there ain't no bigger fan
In the parking lot after the game
He said, "Dad, I thought you had a plane to catch?"
He smiled and said, "Yeah, son, I did"
But life's not the breath you take, the breathing in and out
That gets you through the day, ain't what it's all about
You just might miss the point trying to win the race
Life's not the breaths you take but the moments that take your breath away
Fast forward fifteen years and a thousand miles away
Boy's built a life, he's got a wife and a baby due today
He hears a voice saying, "I made it son"
Says, "I told you dad, you didn't have to come"
He smiles and says, "Yeah, I know you did"
But life's not the breath you take, the breathing in and out
That gets you through the day, ain't what it's all about
You just might miss the point trying to win the race
Life's not the breaths you take but the moments that take your breath away
Just like it took my breath when she was born
Just like it took my breath away when dad took his last that morn
Life's not the breath you take, the breathing in and out
That gets you through the day, ain't what it's all about
Just might miss the point if you don't slow down the pace
Life's not the breaths you take but the moments that take your breath away
Life isn't about the breaths we take...breathing in and out takes no effort, requires no thought and is the easiest thing to do. Being able to breath is great, getting through the day easily...wonderful. But it doesn't make a life. Struggling to breath I guess doesn't make a life either but it sure makes you appreciate what effort it takes to breath. And worrying about how to take those breaths only distracts you from the amazing things in your life. We seem to get so caught up in runnning our lives, in breathing each day, that we forget about what makes a life... the moments that take your breath away...
the first time someone you are in love with tells you they love you
the words will you marry me and I do
the +'ve sign on pregnancy test
the sound of your baby's first cry
first steps, first words, hugs, kisses etc.
the words, for me, 'there's two babbies in there'...now there was a moment that took my breath away
seeing my babies (all 4 of them at different points) on ultrasound...wow! But even more so watching Cameron and Cole bump into each other, kick each other, hug each other....breathless
Those are all moments I've had that have taken my breath away. Like George Strait, I also had my breath taken away with the loss of a loved one. For sure one of the moments that left me breathless was with the news that Cole was gone... I was devastated and shocked and found it very hard to breath. But it still didn't compare with the breathlessness that I had at the announcement of his existence. Even now when I think of those days my breath gets caught in my throat.
When I think of the first time I held my very first child...wow, what a breathless moment.
With Brycen breathless moments have always come with words...he says so many adorable things. Some (I love you as big as the sky mom) are filled with joy and others steal my breath as they bring tears to my eyes (mom I miss Cole so much, can't we just go to Heaven and bring him back?).
And Cameron, he has made me breathless from day one. I knew, from the moment I suspected I was pregnant that this baby (babies) was different. I am breathless so much of time when I am around him, he shows me daily what miracles are. His hugs, his love, his joy, his excitement.... the life he seems to live that is full of the life, energy and love of two little boys....breathless!
I hope your life leaves you breathless!
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