Ordinary Days

My friend Melissa posted this amazing video on her blog of a woman reading from a book about the daily life of a mother. I was going to repost the video here but it's long and really I just wanted to comment on this part....
The Gift of an Ordinary Day by Katrina Kenison
If motherhood teaches us anything it is that we can't change our children, we can only change ourselves. So instead of wishing the children could be different somehow you spend each day trying to see what is already good in each of them and to love that.
My kids amaze me each and every day. Today Zack amazed me when he pulled out books and just stared reading to Brycen...just for fun, just because he could. Now Brycen, he amazed me for his internal knowledge of just how much Mommy needed a hug after I got home from Cameron's surgery. That and his hilarious comment about the water that came into the basement during this crazy rainstorm we had.... we were talking about the need to 'suck it up' (with the shop vac) when Brycen told us he could suck it up. When asked how, he answered 'with my mouf silly'. He amazes me with his ability to make me laugh!
Cameron amazed me today with his endurance after his surgery...he was so very agitated after the surgery and he became so upset that they had to give him sedatives. He fought and fought for 2 hours before he finally succumbed to sleep and during that time he amazed me with his ability to give me what I needed to see and feel most...the ordinary little boy I love so much...his usual laughter, usual babble, usual busy-ness and usual snuggles and love.
Ordinary days are really the best...and after months and months of un-ordinary days I think I can appreciate those moments so much more. Normal is good, ordinary is even better!
There are days that I do wish my kids could be different...that they could listen better, use quieter and gentler voices and not complain about all they things kids complain about...the food I cook, the toys we don't have, the things we don't do and the things they have to do. But I think I remember more than some, appreciate more than some, that celebrating what they are doing is so much more important.
This Mother's Day I am determined to celebrate the joy my kids bring me, the joy that being a mom brings me. I want to remember all those ordinary moments, cherish the joy that they bring me and remember how easily it can all be taken away. I know that many mom's of angels can relate when I say that Mother's Day is one of those brutally bittersweet days where you celebrate the joy that being a mom brings you and yet at the same time you are so painfully aware that one of your children is celebrating Mother's Day in Heaven.
So today I am promising myself that I will try harder to not wish my kids could be different....that I could change them somehow and instead look at them and celebrate all that is good and wonderful about all 4 of them. I am promising that no matter how frustrated I am with Zack, Brycen and Cameron I will remember the struggles we've had to have this family intact the way it is. I will also remember that although I wish with all my heart that my fourth child could be here and that I could change that situation, I also must find good in it too and love it just the same. I am who I am today because of all of my kids but most especially because of Cole and I will do what I can to honour him by seeing the good in his brothers and not trying to change anything about them or about him and his journey.
Happy Mother's Day everyone!