Day 9 - Family

 Families are funny sometimes.  There is always a mix of people, often an odd man out, sometimes some harsh words or gestures but in the end, they'd fight to the death for you.
I am feeling pretty blessed as I write yesterday's post.  I spent most of the day with some pretty amazing people and I know that I am lucky to have such a group to call 'mine'. My dad is one of 7 kids and we are so lucky that atleast once a year all 7 of them gather together with their kids and grandkids...usually it happens more like 2 or 3 times a year.  I have some amazing memories of my childhood with cousins from both sides of my family.  I was the lucky one as I lived right beside grandma and grandpa so when the cousins came to visit they also came to play with me too.  Family Christmas's have always been the highlight of the year with this group.  As kids we opened gifts and then got all dressed in our coats, pants, mitts etc and off we went to toboggan down the hills on the farm.  After a few hours (well it might have been a bit shorter then that...always long enough for the adults to exchange their gifts) we would come back in, having played off our turkey dinner and had hot chocolate with marshmallows and cookies.  Fun times for sure.  I have only missed one of these gatherings in all my 38 years.  Four years ago Christmas and our trip to Mt. Sinai overlapped.  That fated echo cardiogram, when we learned that our dreams of boys in matching outfits on Santa's knee the next Christmas had been shattered , happened when my family was all on their way to St. Catherine's area.  My amazing parents missed the gathering too as they came immediately to Toronto to be with Geoff and I.  The rest of the gang continued with their gathering but I am pretty certain the atmosphere was not the same. 
I know this because some of these very same relatives were my biggest support team in the weeks and months to come.  Some came to visit often, some called almost everyday.  Some made food, some hosted me for my first leave from the hospital in over a month. 
Family... the rock on which I stand sometimes. 
And the craziness of my family life at home everyday is also what keeps me going.  I already wrote about my boys and their affection but I just want to say again that I am so very blessed to have the three little men I live with, the one who guides me from above and the big lug I married... truly one of the greatest gifts ever....

Day 8 Kindness

I really wasn't sure what I wanted to post for this theme. The gift of kindness has been shown to me by so many people over the years and I feel pretty blessed to have so many amazing friends and family members that have given me this gift. I have the opportunity to mention friends and family in the coming days so today I thought maybe I would share this image of the kindness God has for us and the gifts he has given each of us so that we may go out and share kindness, do good works in his name.
It got me to thinking of what I like to do for others, what I do when I want to express my love and support for others. God has blessed me with the gift of words and that is something that allows me to show support. But my favourite thing to do, to add to those words that I often write in a note of support to someone in need, is to bake cookies. I enjoy sharing kindness that way. I even baked up 8+ dozen about a month ago to share with countless friends, neighbors and co-workers on 'Random Act of Kindness' day. It's a little thing but hopefully it's the gift if kindness that someone needed to brighten their day...

Day 7 - Affection

I don't have much to write today that isn't tied into yesterday's post. 
Affection is the easiest way for a child to show his love.  And it might just be the easiest way for a parent to show their child the love they have for them

I think of the love between a parent and child and know there is no greater love than that. Isn’t it wonderful that we all have a Father who loves us like that too. Those of us who are parents know this type of love. The type where you would do just about anything for your child. You’d go without food or clothes for them, you’d fight til death for them and you’d even give up your life for them.
No matter what happens, we love our children. Even if they have fallen, made decisions we don’t agree with, hurt others or committed crimes… we still love them and always will. When our child is sick and throwing up all over us, we love them. When we hold that toddler who just wants to snuggle but who smells like the mess he has in his diaper…we love them. When they hit us, tell us they hate us, when they chose everyone but us to be with…we love them. Even the heart of a fallen parent or the heart of the parent of a fallen child is like that, so imagine how earnestly God wanted to love Adam and Eve though they sinned.
So enjoy that gift of affection, cherish it and know just how wonderful of a gift it is.  

Day 5 - Light Day 6 - Love

I can't get my picture to load for light so I will post it later but this is what I posted for what the gift of light means to me....

In the darkest hours of my grief, in the time when life just seemed shattered, I would lie in my bed in those early hours of the snowy December mornings and forget it was my reality. Then I would remember and I would sob. But as the night turned to day and dark turned slowly to light I would feel Cameron kick and I would feel such hope. He was and is my hope, my light. I also found and still find myself drawn to flickering candle light, especially white candles and it makes me feel closer to Cole somehow.

Today's gift to focus on is love.  I chose to focus on unconditional love, the kind Christ has for us.

1st John 4 7-12

7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

I found this video and just thought it was perfect...

http://www.wingclips.com/movie-clips/bruce-almighty/thats-a-prayer

This next paragraph is a direct copy from last year's advent project...couldn't write it any better if I tried...

There is only one kind of love that can make us whole, complete us and give us the happiness we want and that is unconditional love. It is so different than the love that so many of us have known all of our lives. It is caring about the happiness of another person without any thought for where it will get us, what we will get from it. It is also unconditional love when others care about our happiness without any thought of what they might get out of it.
This is the kind of love God has for us in a sense. He does not stop loving us if we do things that displease him or even are against his teachings. There really isn’t anything we can do to stop God from loving us. We can sin but all we need to do is ask for His forgiveness and it is granted. And even those who don’t ask for it, those who never have a personal relationship with Christ, those who are never able to see God’s love for us…. Even all of those millions of people, God loves. He only asks that we love Him and through that we can truly and unconditionally love others.

Day 4 - Gift of Words

For those that know me well...well in 'real life' it will come as no surprise to you to hear that I think I am blessed with the gift of words though most of you would say 'gift of gab' I am sure.  But what I really mean is that I feel I am very blessed to have been given a gift when it comes to putting thoughts on paper, making it easier for others on their journey as they read what I write, maybe even that I seem to know 'just what to say' to make someone think or make them feel supported, understood or loved.
I love to write and I love that I can put all that is in my heart and my head on paper even when I can't get it out of my mouth the way I intended it.  That is something I really need to work on but I will say that I think it has come a long way too. 
I feel blessed that my words have helped and it brings me to tears when someone writes me and tells me that I really helped them.  I decided for this post, for this day, to give a few links to posts that I made that really impacted others....these ones apply completely to the loss and twin loss worlds but I think have helped others understand things from 'our' perspective too....

http://journeytohopeandhealing.blogspot.ca/2012/11/here-i-am-and-where-are-you.html

http://journeytohopeandhealing.blogspot.ca/2012/05/this-really-is-my-story-i-really-am.html
This next post was one I wrote nearly 2 years ago and came at a moment of terrible sadness for me, it was written on a day that we sad goodbye to a friend who had really impacted my life and was pivotal to a few things for me.  First of all it was pivotal to finding peace.  There was something about this loss, about knowing that my friend was in heaven with my son that made it easier to be here and have Cole there.
It was also pivotal in knowing that writing really was a strength of mine and that I needed to write a book about our journey and all that it has brought to my life.  I never dreamed then that it would take me this long to even get it half finished but it did inspire me to write deeper thing here too.

http://journeytohopeandhealing.blogspot.ca/2010/12/new-angel-among-us.html

The last post, this group of words, contains words from another TTTS friend and how much it impacted me.  I haven't read this post since I wrote it but I just realized today that it is almost exactly what I wrote in the first post I made.  It made me realize that Eileen's words were written in the recesses of my brain and stamped deep on my heart...and are now my words too.
I feel so blessed to be able to write with a passion that helps with others, with an honesty that affects others and with a sincerity that offers hope and peace.

http://journeytohopeandhealing.blogspot.ca/2011/06/final-homecomingand-what-ive-learned.html

Day 3 - The Gift of Inspiration

I knew, instantly, who I would say was the great gift of inspiration to me.  Actually not who but whom.... these folks here...

These are my friends Lonnie Somers and Tammy Smith (and her TTTS survivor, Zachary)
When I was first diagnosed and my world turned upside down I went looking for support.  These two amazing people found me more then I found them.  Tammy called me numerous times in the first few weeks after we lost Cole and Lonnie got answer after answer for me when I didn't know what to do or what was going on.  Fetal Hope is Lonnie's brain child and what a brain child it is.  They do amazing things with that organization... provide funding for families to travel to get treatment, provide answers or opinions via a medical board, get people into the right care with the right doctor.  They save lives, they save sanity.
They are the people who inspired me to work hard to support others going through a pregnancy crisis and they are the reason I spend hours online talking to people I have never met, helping people I have never met.  They inspired me to raise money to help with treatment and research at Mt. Sinai...they are simply an Inspiration to all!!!

Day 2 - Dec. 2 - Support

I wasn't able to blog yesterday but then realized that I had the perfect blog already written for the theme of support, the perfect song of support which can be found here..(just click on the title to get the song...it should open in a new window so you can read and listen at the same time)

I Won’t Let Go – Rascal Flatts
It’s like a storm
That cuts a path
It’s breaks your will
It feels like that
You think your lost
But you’re not lost on your own
You’re not alone
I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
If you can’t cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won’t let go
It hurts my heart
To see you cry
I know it’s dark
This part of life
Oh it finds us all
And we’re too small
To stop the rain
Oh but when it rains
I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won’t let you fall
Don’t be afraid to fall
I’m right here to catch you
I won’t let you down
It won’t get you down
Your gonna make it
Yea I know you can make it
Cause I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
And I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won’t let go
Oh I’m gonna hold you
And I won’t let go
Won’t let you go
No I won’t

The blog was written so long ago...check it out here...
And there really is nothing more to add except that one of my newest groups of 'supporters' comes from an amazing place I hang out at atleast once a week... my church friends...can't say enough about them...so I'll leave that for another post on another day.
One group I did post about there was the most understanding in all of this journey....
I love you TTTS Family...